ANGRY MINUTE #0007: I’m a Runner, So Stop Being a Dick!
Hello all and welcome back to my little corner of the interwebs. Today I’d like to talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart; running. You see even though I’m a Masked Douchebag I still enjoy the sensation of not being worthless, so I get my lazy ass out and about and tackle a few miles. Actually I’m in training for my marathon in October, so wish a Douchebag luck!
So what’s the problem? What’s the dealio? Does running make me angry? No, quite to opposite. When I feel the anger boiling inside my soul I run and it soothes the beast within. My problem is with these dicks when I run. What dicks? Well, there are a few of ‘em so lets hit them all in this weeks LIST OF ANGER!
1. The City – As a distance runner I need, well, DISTANCE. So I find myself going out into the world and tackling as many miles as I can handle. The problem is the lack of SIDEWALKS. It amazes me how many areas DO NOT HAVE SIDEWALKS! This is just a pet peeve for me as I’ll run anywhere, and I live in “the big city” so I’m not surprised at the lack of sidewalks. But I can only imagine how OTHERS feel. What about the kids that walk to school? What about pet owners who take poochie out for a stroll? Bikers have it real bad because cars are total dicks to bikers. If there is a road (non-highway) then it should have ATLEASE one sidewalk (I don’t care on which side, but these roads that offer no sidewalks are a kick in the junk). This causes other issues, as you’ll see below.
2. Drivers – By far drivers are the WORST offenders to a runner. Look, as a runner I would more then happily run on a sidewalk, but if one is not offered to me I’m very limited in my choices. I will TRY to run in the grass, I will, but the problem is that many of these grassy areas are sloped and cause us runners/walkers much pain and in some cases will trip us causing injury and even death. So to prevent death we will run on the road. Now us runners aren’t stupid, we don’t run in the middle of the road (or shouldn’t if some do). Instead we will run on OUR side of the white line. But drivers could care less, as far as they are concerned they OWN the road and (regardless of who or what you are) you need to not be in their way. As if we are “in the way”. We are on the correct side of the line and are not in the road! Yet I see drivers time and time again swerve around (or even swerve at) me, honking their horns, and flipping me the bird. Why? Was it inconvenient for them to DRIVE IN THEIR LANE? And to be honest I find those who OBVIOUSLY don’t exercise to be the worst offenders. It’s as if they distain exercise so much they want to cuss at it. Those people that do exercise are really cool; they honk and wave and give support. Only in America can you find the overweight make fun of those who exercise. Only in America!
3. Lawn Owners – I don’t care who owns the grass, I just care that it gets cut! Even before I get to the running aspect lets talk about just plain decency. Your yard is a reflection of self, so when you have 2ft grass it shows me you’re a worthless cock who shouldn’t own a lawn! But it gets worse for me, a runner, because I have to run in your shitty grass. Oh I can hear it now; “Well you shouldn’t be in my yard”. Go FRAK yourself! I wouldn’t be in your crappy yard if the city would supply adequate walking area (aka: Sidewalks). So because there is no sidewalk I have to walk SOMEWHERE, and your yard happens not to threaten my life (unlike the suicidal motorists in the road). Also, is it REALLY in your yard? I know YOU have to cut it, but I have to cut the grass in front of the sidewalk and that area is technically owned by the city. So the “yard” I’m running in (which is the strip of grass by the road) isn’t really yours! And it isn’t just home owners, I find businesses to be pisspoor on this matter aswell. Do you not care how you project your image to the world? Why don’t people/businesses care how they appear? Looks can be deceiving? Bullshit! If you look like a hobo (aka: the homeless), you’re a hobo! If you look like a whore (aka: most teenage girls) then you’re a whore! If you look like you don’t care (aka: asshats), YOU DON’T CARE! Running in high grass sucks, it’s horrible! Cut your grass ARSEHOLES!!!
========================
POSTANGER:
I’m just a decent (well, sometimes) guy who wants to go for a run. It is my right to be able to go out into the world and explore. All I ask is for some respect. Have some respect in yourself and others. If you see a runner/walker/biker have some courtesy and decency. Just because you are in a car doesn’t mean that the road is solely for you. And mow your damn yard too! Lazy hippies!
Do you feel disrespected during your daily activities? Leave a comment, tell me what pisses you off. Who knows, maybe I’ll write an Angry Minute in your honor!