ANGRY MINUTE #0013: Warning Labels Because People are Retardo!
Have you ever purchased something, that has one of those warning labels on them? You know the ones I mean, the labels that make you scratch your head and say “what moron doesn’t know this”?
The new America, that’s whom!
Oh you mean that if I drop something electrical (like a laptop, or a hairdryer) into a bathtub I’ll shock and maybe (hopefully) kill myself? Really? REALLY! I had no FRAKIN idea!!! WARNING LABEL NEEDED!
A jar of peanut butter contains peanuts? I’M FLABBERGASTED! WARNING LABEL NEEDED!
Did you know that when a lawnmower is running you shouldn’t place your hands or feet under the mower? You mean I could lose a limb from the SHARP METAL ROTATING BLADE!!!! How was I ever to know without a FRAKIN WARNING LABEL?!?!?!
Do you see the moronicness? And what’s even stupider is that moronicness isn’t even a word! I have to MAKE UP WORDS to describe have mentally debilitating this really is!!!!
How about some quickies?
-WARNING: Do not use disposable razor during an earthquake
-WARNING: Wheelbarrow is not intended for highway use
-WARNING: Microwave is not to be used for drying pets
-WARNING: Silly Putty is not to be used as ear plugs
-WARNING: Wearing this Superman costume does not enable you to fly
-WARNING: Hammers may be harmful is swallowed
-WARNING: Do not attempt to stop chainsaw blade with your hand
-WARNING: Sleeping pills may cause drowsiness
-WARNING: Do not put bottle rockets in your mouth
WHAT THE FLYING FRAK-A-DACK-A-DING-DONG IS THIS SHAT!?!?!?!
Well, the short end of the stick is that some moron with no common senses decided to do something so stupid that a warning label like those above were required. I bet that moron sued and the legal department of these companies were FORCED to tell their customers what should be OBVIOUS. Do you REALLY think a Superman costume will make you fly? If so, you should be locked down in the FUNNY FARM! Did you SWALLOW a HAMMER?!?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU SWALLOW A HAMMER… AND WHY?!?!? Sleeping pills made me drowsy? I can’t stop a chainsaw blade with my bare hand?!?! WHO ARE THESE IDIOTS?!?!?!
Do you want to know WHY America is the laughing stock of the world? Because of inbred retards who live here! Sue happy asshats who think that it isn’t common knowledge that drying your cat in the microwave isn’t the smartest idea in the world.
Who to blame? Let’s start with the schools! Are we not teaching these things?!?! Are we not telling out children that blades are sharp? How a microwave works? That hammers aren’t edible? That bottle rockets aren’t edible? WHAT THE FRAK ARE WE TEACHING THEM THEN?!?!?!
We can also blame the parents, because if your el rejecto of a child performs any of these ludicrous activates then you really REALLY need to look in the mirror and decide if you are competent to raise another living being!
And finally I blame the law! We need a law that says “You cannot sue in cases where common senses was not used”. What ever happened to PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY! There is that word again, because AMERICA HAS NONE! Here in America if you do something sooooooooo retardo you can sue too and become a millionaire just because you didn’t use common sense! UN-FRAKIN-BELIEVABLE!
Here’s one last warning, and the funny thing is I had to add this to my website because PEOPLE COULDN’T UNDERSTAND!
-WARNING: Masked Douchebag #8 is a DOUCHEBAG!
You know this wouldn’t happen if people would shake their babies more.
(kidding, for those of you who need a label.)
I’m right there with ya. I hate looking at labels and seeing what should be blatantly obvious. I think people in our society have just become too weak to manage or handle day-to-day life and now rely on companies and labels to tell them what to do and how to do it. The parents comment also hold true as well. Parents just aren’t putting in the effort and discipline to raise a worthwhile, intelligent citizen. Schools are probably lacking as well especially considering how much I hear about other countries having better educational systems than us. The US is great and all but people need to get their shit together and take some responsibility for what they do. Labels just need to be blunt and say,”If you do dumb shit with this product that negatively impacts your life, that’s your fault. Deal with it!”
To be fair on the peanuts thing, there are laws around allergens that all packaged food products have to specify clearly what allergens they may contain. Even a small bit of peanut residue is enough to fucking kill someone who is allergic, which is why a person who is allergic has to avoid products that were even produced in a facility that contains peanuts, even if the product contains none. Unfortunate though it may be, there is no exemption in the law in favor of the obvious.