ANGRY MINUTE #0031: Choking on Oscar-Mayer’s Weiner
What the FRAK is wrong with people these days? Can’t they put a wiener in their mouth without choking on it?
I guess not. I mean I’ve had several wieners in my mouth, some at the same time, and I’ve never choked on any of them.
Why are you laughing? Ohhhh… you are sick sick person! I’m talking hot dog wieners you pervert!!!
I just finished reading THIS ARTICLE and I’m speechless. Parents want to CHANGE HOTDOGS because kids are choking on them. The logic here baffles me. I understand that choking is a risk, but it is a risk we all take every day. But somehow we seem to get through the day without choking and dying. How do we do it? Well we CHEW OUT DAMN FOOD! How about you teach your kids to SHUT THEIR MOUTHS AND EAT?!?!? Oh no that would be PARENTING and we can’t have that now can we? It’s just easier to blame hotdogs then for parents to actually blame themselves.
So these crazies also want to put warning labels on ALL foods and candies that are choking hazards. So that amounts to almost EVERY FRAKIN THING WE PUT IN OUR MOUTHS!!!!!! And if you don’t know you can choke on an M&M then you should choke and DIE because you are not helping the human evolution, you are deterring it.
I’d like to know who these people are who have no idea you can choke on small food items. Do they think that magically their throat will digest these items so there is no fear of swallowing them whole? Just put that wiener in your mouth and see how far down your throat you can shove it till you gag. Just keep shoving it in there, what possibly could go wrong?
So let’s redesign the hotdog then since it is a menace to society. We could make it flat and put it on a bun… oh wait that’s called a hamburger. You see a hotdog is a hotdog because of its shape; to change that would be to change what that food is entirely. It makes no sense and it totally retarded.
I like how these crazies take the responsibility out of their own hands and place blame on the creators of these foods/candies. How about if you are afraid of choking on a wiener DON’T FRAKIN EAT WIENERS! Why do you need to ruin it for us who know how to chew our food? I understand young kids don’t understand chewing and are at risk for choking, but THE PARENTS should be responsible and cut up the child’s food into small parts so this doesn’t happen. Oh look what I did there, I MADE THE PARENTS RESPONSIBLE! Isn’t that a weird concept? Who would have EVER THOUGHT TO FRAKIN DO THAT?!?!?! Hell next they will ask to have grapes redesigned because people choke on them… oh wait THE ARTICLE DOES RECOMMEND THAT! WHAT THE FRAK?!?!?!?!
Darwin would be proud to know that stupid people are still stupid. At some point we have to say if you are dumb and don’t understand that you can choke on things that go into your mouth then maybe you are too dumb to be alive. Maybe the world is a better place without you.
I personally will always have a nice hot wiener in my mouth. I like the taste, I like the texture, and I love how it feels inside me.
I was talking about eating hot dogs! FSM you people are sick!
Deflection |diˈflek sh ən| noun : a way for parents who do not know how to be parents to blame anything and everything for their failure to acceptably raise or discipline their children.
e.g. “My kid is fat so I am suing McDonald’s.”
I completely agree! For some reason the whole time I was reading that article though, I couldn’t stop thinking about that last who sued McDonalds because her coffee burned her. Now they have warnings of CAUTION: THIS IS HOT on everything. Can I sue an ice cream company if my hand gets frostbite from holding the container? What if my tongue goes numb and I bite it off?
Also you are spot on with the parenting thing. Most parents dont want to take responsibility for anything! And I hate those parents who threaten to count to three, but never make it to three so the brat doesn’t get punished. I’m pretty sure people should have to take a test before they have children. If not, the world is going to end up like it did in Idiocracy.
@Janae: The McDonald’s Coffee was a different story. The store had microwaved the coffee in the cup, causing it to be so hot it melted the bottom of the cup and spilled onto the lady. She had massive burns because of this. It wasn’t a case of coffee being hot, it was a case where the coffee was “undrinkable” in its current condition.
So if that ice cream is sooooo cold that you lick it and your tongue freezes to it and causes damage then YES you too can sue. But you must prove that the establishment provided a food/beverage that was inedible at the time of purchase.
And no you can’t sue Taco Bell because supposedly all their food is “edible”
These posts remind me of a funny story a few weeks ago when I was in Meijers. I was desperately shopping for a Wii for my wife. The store manager said they would have some in within the next few days. While she was talking to me was interrupted by an employee saying that a couple is shopping for indoor cat food. They seen a sign that said 5 dollars on all outdoor cat food. The couple began to argue that they wanted their indoor cat food for 5 dollars because of the advertisement which clearly said outdoor cat food. After a long argument the management gave in and let them have indoor cat food for 5 bucks. I love the stupidity of people who cannot read.
This article is pretty ridiculous. Emily recently discovered her gag reflex and decided it was fun to stick all of her fingers in her mouth flat and choke on her own hand…maybe I should see about having it redesigned.
Another Article on this Hotdog Issue:
http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/off-the-markley/2010/03/hotdogocalypse.html