Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Dec 16, 2009 in
Angry Minute Tis the season of giving 
This Holiday (not christmas, as Holiday is the traditional celebration for all FSMers) I wanted to look back at a year that saw Angry Minute be born. Angry Minute was actually created on Jan 28th 2009 through the Notes Application in Facebook. It was SOOOOOO popular that the website had to be created. Because of this there are actually several AngryMinutes that were NEVER posted on this website.
So with these last 4 weeks of 2009 I want to post the top 4 Angry Minutes that were never posted on this website. MERRY HOLIDAY BASTARDS!!!
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ANGER TOPIC: Using Turn Signals
(originally posted on 04/29/2009)
Is this SOOOOOOOOO hard?!?!?!?! Must be, cuz rejects and retards seem to not understand what that leaver is beside their FRAKIN steering wheel!!!
Here, let me help: ITS CALL A TURN SIGNAL! USE IT, ASSHAT!!!
Man, it ANGERS me sooooooooo bad when I got some retardo infront of me, beside me, hell ANYWHERE on the road, and they decide they DON’T need to use their turn signal! YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW!!! Maybe people just don’t understand the law, so let be bring out my lawyer hat and throw you to THE LIST OF LAW!!!! (please note I live in Ohio but the law is very similar in all 50 States. Also, I am not a lawyer and you should consult one if you are not understanding the laws in your area.)
LIST OF LAW:
1. Ohio Law states that you are to provide an adequate signal for turning atleast 100 feet before making a turn, changing lanes on a multi-lane road, passing a vehicle on a two lane road (by law you are to honk aswell, and you can actually get away with not using the signal as long as you flash your headlights), merging into a stream of traffic, and merging out of a stream of traffic (like taking an exit)
2. Turn signal lights must be visible at a distance of no less than 300 feel in normal sunlight. If they do not work, you are REQUIRED to perform the correct hand signals when performing any of the above turns/merges/etc
3. It is the LAW that you use your turn signal to let other drivers know that you are planning to pull into/out of the stream of traffic. As the driver entering/exiting the highway you are required to yield to motorists already on the freeway; the stream of traffic always has the right of way.
4. It is illegal to drive into the median or crossover if you miss your exit/turn.
Sooooo what does this mean to you? I mean, no one really gets hurt when you don’t use your turn signal… right?
WRONG! FRAKIN WRONG ASSHAT!!! YOU ARE A WRONG STUPID MORON ASSHAT THAT I WANT TO KICK IN THE BALLZ! IN YOUR BALLZ!
A Response Insurance National Driving Habits Survey revealed that 57% of drivers don’t regularly use their signals. I guess they think that it’s cool to just drive wherever the hell they please! FRAK THEM!
Did you know that Unintended Lane Changes have been the direct cause of 23,000 annual fatalities on U.S. roadways? That’s 60 people killed a day just because turn signals were not used!!!!! That is a CRAP way to die people!!!!
In 2007 Ohio had 7,965 crashes caused by Improper Turns and 20,029 crashes caused by Improper Lane Changes. That’s 10.2% of all crashes in 2007!!!! 5,526 of those crashes caused injury, while 130 of them were fatal (that’s 11.2% of all fatal crashes in 2007 caused by not using a turn signal! WTF!!!)
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POSTANGER:
So you see, its not that I’m a Masked D-bag and want to flip out about something, it’s that I’m sick and tired of asshats putting my life and the lives of those I love in danger!
If you change lanes PUT ON YOUR FSM DAMN TURN SIGNAL! I don’t care if you are the only FRAKIN car on the road, you are REQUIRED TO! IT IS THE LAW! Stop putting my life and others in danger cuz you’re too damn lazy to flip a switch. If you’re that frakin lazy then you should be shot and strung up by your private parts till you die a horrible humiliating death cuz you’re worthless to society!!!!
Road rage is typically caused by those who don’t follow the law. Those immaculate people who think the law is below them. The law is not below you! But if you don’t use your turn signal and someone you love dies in a horrific traffic accident DON’T ASK FOR MY SYMPOTHY because I’ll be fresh out. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game! MOOSHOE!!!
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REFERENCES:http://www.ohio4h.org/youth/carteens/documents/CarteensOhioLawsCurriculum.pdf
http://www.signalamerica.org/
http://www.roadandtravel.com/safetyandsecurity/2007/road-rage.htm
http://www.bmv.ohio.gov/pdf_forms/HSY-7607.pdf
http://www.ohiotrafficlawyers.com/traffic-violation-facts.cfm
http://www.publicsafety.ohio.gov/crashes/crash_facts.asp
Tags: Angry Minute, Automobile, Car, Law, Ohio, Traffic, Turn, Turn Signal, Turn Signals, Vehicle
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Aug 12, 2009 in
Angry Minute Hello all and welcome back to my little corner of the interwebs. Today I’d like to talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart; running. You see even though I’m a Masked Douchebag I still enjoy the sensation of not being worthless, so I get my lazy ass out and about and tackle a few miles. Actually I’m in training for my marathon in October, so wish a Douchebag luck!
So what’s the problem? What’s the dealio? Does running make me angry? No, quite to opposite. When I feel the anger boiling inside my soul I run and it soothes the beast within. My problem is with these dicks when I run. What dicks? Well, there are a few of ‘em so lets hit them all in this weeks LIST OF ANGER!
1. The City – As a distance runner I need, well, DISTANCE. So I find myself going out into the world and tackling as many miles as I can handle. The problem is the lack of SIDEWALKS. It amazes me how many areas DO NOT HAVE SIDEWALKS! This is just a pet peeve for me as I’ll run anywhere, and I live in “the big city” so I’m not surprised at the lack of sidewalks. But I can only imagine how OTHERS feel. What about the kids that walk to school? What about pet owners who take poochie out for a stroll? Bikers have it real bad because cars are total dicks to bikers. If there is a road (non-highway) then it should have ATLEASE one sidewalk (I don’t care on which side, but these roads that offer no sidewalks are a kick in the junk). This causes other issues, as you’ll see below.
2. Drivers – By far drivers are the WORST offenders to a runner. Look, as a runner I would more then happily run on a sidewalk, but if one is not offered to me I’m very limited in my choices. I will TRY to run in the grass, I will, but the problem is that many of these grassy areas are sloped and cause us runners/walkers much pain and in some cases will trip us causing injury and even death. So to prevent death we will run on the road. Now us runners aren’t stupid, we don’t run in the middle of the road (or shouldn’t if some do). Instead we will run on OUR side of the white line. But drivers could care less, as far as they are concerned they OWN the road and (regardless of who or what you are) you need to not be in their way. As if we are “in the way”. We are on the correct side of the line and are not in the road! Yet I see drivers time and time again swerve around (or even swerve at) me, honking their horns, and flipping me the bird. Why? Was it inconvenient for them to DRIVE IN THEIR LANE? And to be honest I find those who OBVIOUSLY don’t exercise to be the worst offenders. It’s as if they distain exercise so much they want to cuss at it. Those people that do exercise are really cool; they honk and wave and give support. Only in America can you find the overweight make fun of those who exercise. Only in America!
3. Lawn Owners – I don’t care who owns the grass, I just care that it gets cut! Even before I get to the running aspect lets talk about just plain decency. Your yard is a reflection of self, so when you have 2ft grass it shows me you’re a worthless cock who shouldn’t own a lawn! But it gets worse for me, a runner, because I have to run in your shitty grass. Oh I can hear it now; “Well you shouldn’t be in my yard”. Go FRAK yourself! I wouldn’t be in your crappy yard if the city would supply adequate walking area (aka: Sidewalks). So because there is no sidewalk I have to walk SOMEWHERE, and your yard happens not to threaten my life (unlike the suicidal motorists in the road). Also, is it REALLY in your yard? I know YOU have to cut it, but I have to cut the grass in front of the sidewalk and that area is technically owned by the city. So the “yard” I’m running in (which is the strip of grass by the road) isn’t really yours! And it isn’t just home owners, I find businesses to be pisspoor on this matter aswell. Do you not care how you project your image to the world? Why don’t people/businesses care how they appear? Looks can be deceiving? Bullshit! If you look like a hobo (aka: the homeless), you’re a hobo! If you look like a whore (aka: most teenage girls) then you’re a whore! If you look like you don’t care (aka: asshats), YOU DON’T CARE! Running in high grass sucks, it’s horrible! Cut your grass ARSEHOLES!!!
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POSTANGER:
I’m just a decent (well, sometimes) guy who wants to go for a run. It is my right to be able to go out into the world and explore. All I ask is for some respect. Have some respect in yourself and others. If you see a runner/walker/biker have some courtesy and decency. Just because you are in a car doesn’t mean that the road is solely for you. And mow your damn yard too! Lazy hippies!
Do you feel disrespected during your daily activities? Leave a comment, tell me what pisses you off. Who knows, maybe I’ll write an Angry Minute in your honor!
Tags: Angry Minute, Biking, Car, Grass, Lawn, Running, Sidewalk, Vehicle, Walking
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Jul 16, 2009 in
Angry Minute Hi, I’m your neighbor. Which one? Well I’m the good looking quite one at the end of the complex who lives with his heterosexual life partner roommate and our love-child dog. I know you’ve seen me several times since you moved in, but I also know we have never spoken. Sorry about that, I have many video games to play and little time to interact with such simple people. My apologizes, but tiz the life of a Masked Douchebag.
Since you have moved in to our complex you may have noticed the “No Parking Anytime” sign that sits in front of our townhouses. Or maybe you haven’t. Let me explain what “No Parking Anytime” means, as it seems to not be fully clear to you. The sign was placed there because the entrance to the apartment complex is blocked if someone parks there as you have been doing. This isn’t too much of a trouble for smaller vehicles, but school buses and semis can’t seem to squeeze their fat arses in if there is a car parked there. So it is now a “No Parking Zone” as per the Apartment Gods.
I don’t want to seem rude that’s a lie or come to any quick conclusions like your a stupid bitch, but either you have chosen to totally ignore this sign, are illiterate, or believe that by parking OVER the curb and IN the yard some how means you are not in the “No Parking Anytime” area. For those 3 options I would like to say LEARN TO FRAKIN READ AND GET YOUR SHITTY SUV OUT OF MY YARD!
Now I know what you are thinking; we live in townhouses and don’t have our own personal yards. This is true, but I would also like you to realize that a yard unless you are ghetto-trash hoe which you seem to be isn’t used for the parking of vehicles. You see the complex has given us TWO parking spots BEHIND our apartments, as well as the guest parking that is 20ft from the grassy area in which you continue to park.
Maybe there is some logical reason you have for parking in the grass and maybe pigs will grow frakin wings and fly. I notice that you typically do this when loading and unloading your spawn. Yet this could be done in the same way if you parked in your designated parking spot out back. Maybe your spawn are crippled… yet I see them walk perfectly fine. They have enough energy to run and scream up and down our sidewalk without any worry, so I assume from my eyes that these brats tykes have no handicap physically anyway, I mean we know they aren’t ever gonna keep a job and will probably live off foodstamps and unemployment for the rest of their lives (counting since the day they were conceived). But tiz the life of future highschool dropouts.
Maybe you are just lazy. This seems the most logical of all the conclusions I have. You are too FRAKIN lazy to drive the additional 20ft to a parking spot, so you drive your rapper-esq SUV with the spinning hubcaps OVER the curb and INTO the yard. How classy and by that I mean you have no class.
I want you to understand that this behavior is totally unacceptable and I will be calling my local pig patrol on your arrogant ass the next time I see your vehicle in my yard. I’m tired of walking out my front door and seeing a POS sitting where the grass would like to grow as if I’m about to be gunned down in a drive-by. Maybe where you come from you can park where ever you like, but that ain’t gonna fly in my neighborhood. I have put up with your screaming brats, but I will not put up with your blatant regard to be a piss-poor neighbor.
So, in conclusion; Have a Nice Day and stop being such an ignorant bitch.
Sincerely: The Masked Douchebag #8
Tags: Angry Minute, Car, Neighbor, Parking, Vehicle