ANGRY MINUTE #0014: Halloween Pisses Me Off (Part 1 of 4)
Tis the season of ghost and ghouls! Werewolves and witches! And all that goes bump in the night. The devil’s day, hollow’s eve, it’s Halloween! Owwwwwwww!
Now when I was a little Douchebag I just loved Halloween. As a youngster all you have to do is to play dress-up, get a bucket or some sort of container, and run around your hometown knocking on doors and screaming TRICK-OR-TREAT! Strangers hand you candy (if you’re lucky) and off you go to the next house until the night’s festivities are over.
Yeah, that’s how it USE to be! Halloween is so lame anymore, and I have multiple issues with this holiday. So much ANGER I’m devoting every single “Angry Minute” this month to the holiday and how it PISSES ME OFF! So let’s start this 4-part series with the first thing that pisses me off:
PART 1: KIDS AND THEIR FRAKIN COSTUMES!!!!
There are two real fundamental problems with kid’s costumes these days. First is the amount of CRAP they call costumes! Now when I was a youngster (mini Douchebag if you will) me and my friends would dress-up like vampires, frankenstines, ghosts, and other spooky things of the night (you know, the reason Halloween is scary and all). Hell, I’m even cool with Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, ANYTHING that is dress-up!!! But there are some kids that just are so FRAKIN lazy they choose NOT WEAR A FRAKIN COSTUME!!! FRAK THAT! You come to my door looking NORMAL you ain’t getting SHIT from me! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! GO FRAK YOURSELF, LAZY MOTHERFRAKER! Halloween is a CONTRACT between Trick-or-Treater and those who hand out the treats; that contract states if you want me to give you’re candyass some candy YOU GOT TO EARN IT! If you don’t live up to your end of the deal then I shouldn’t live up to mine! And on the flip side of that, you come to my door with a super awesome costume (esp if you created it yourself or its super original) then I’ll give you MORE candy then the others!!! EARN YOUR KEEP!!!! EARN THEM CHOCOLATE BARS!!!
The second issue I have with kid’s costumes is how slutty little girl’s costumes have become! Now we will get into the fact that Halloween is a slut holiday for adults, but little girls are picking up on this and are dressing like, well, WHORES! Wearing fishnet stockings, itty bitty skirts, and showing (or attempting to show) cleavage and midriff is JUST PLAIN SICK AND WRONG AND THEIR PARENTS NEED TO BE TIED TO A RACECAR AND DRIVEN OVER HOT COALS AT 200MPH!!!!!!
What the FRAK is wrong with parents?!?!? Who in their right mind thinks it’s OK for a 10 year-old to dress like a prostitute?!?!? Is Halloween turning into a Pedophile Holiday?!?!
Needs some examples?!?!?
-Alice in Whoreland
-Born Bad
-Stitch Witch
-Hannah Montana
-Fallen Angel
-Jaibird
-Mega Star
-Midnight Witch
-Queen of Hearts
-The Cheshire Cat
-Vamp Fairy
These costumes are DISGUSTING and if I see any little WHORES out on Halloween I’m going to say, “Hey, why are dressed like a SLUT? Is that what you aspire to be when you grow up? Do you want to be just like YOUR MOTHER?!?!”
DISGUSTING!
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POSTANGER:
Do you have any examples of tasteless children’s costumes? Post a link in the comments.
Or maybe you think it’s OK for little girls to dress like the costumes shown above. Leave a comment, tell us why.
Or maybe you have an image of a really crappy kid’s costume. Post a link so we can all make fun of it!!!
Join us next week when we continue the ANGER against Halloween!!!!! OWWWWWWWW!