ANGRY MINUTE #0001
ANGRY MINUTE #0001: Gamer Stench
As a Douchebag I enjoy many things in life; making crude jokes about your mother, pointing out the obvious, and ultimately being lazy on my rear playing a game of UFC 2009 and making you tap out in the first round cuz you’re a bizitch! But when it comes to enjoyment I like to just be a geek. Nerdy, card game playing, 20-sided dice rolling, battling imaginary dragons, type of geek.
See I come from this relm of fantasy, where warriors and wizards face off against mythical monsters for some fictional loot that means nothing in the real world, but for some unexplained reason I must have said loot! IT MUST BE MINE! I MUST LOOT THE LOOT! SAVING THROW!!!!!!
This weekend I got my gamer mask on and went to the Greater Columbus Convention Center right here in Columbus Ohio (cheap pop)!! Every year, on the last weekend in June, Columbus holds the Origins Convention. What is Origins? Well, the easiest way to say it is ‘all things geek’. Collectable Card Games, Miniatures, Dungeons and Dragons, wearing chain mail, dressing up like a Storm Trooper. It’s pretty geeky.
Now before I get into the mix of anger I want everyone to know I’m very proud to be a geek because geeks are in. Geeks are cool! Being Geek is Chic! Look at Chuck, Big Bang Theory, Jimmy Fallon, Demetri Martin, and anything that Seth Rogan is in. Geeks are in, geeks are cool, and geeks are awesome!!
Don’t think geeks are cool? Vin Diesel plays D&D… I’d like to see you tell HIM he isn’t cool!
Heck, Geeks/Nerds even make better lovers then them muscle bound boneheads! Don’t believe me, believe the NY Times: http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/lifestyle/2005/06/09/2005-06-09_nerds_make_better_lovers__re.html
So we now know I love geeks/nerds and I’m proud to be in that category. So what’s the ‘Anger’?
My ANGER is with the stench that over 50% of all Geeks have! WHAT THE FRAK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!
At a convention you are shoulder to shoulder with people (kinda like an expo). So when someone REEKS of a gagging odor you can smell them quite quickly. And let me tell you it smells BAD! It is the worst smell in the universe! I think we used gamer stench in Guantanamo!!!!
So why do these losers (and you are a loser if you smell like they’ve rolled around in shit that was eaten and regurgitated) smell so bad? Do they not know how to bath? I mean I’ll be more then happy to buy them soap if they don’t understand the concept. Or do they just not care? Are they playing so many games that they have abandoned all senses (especially smell) and have chosen to be filthy beasts? Are they so poor they couldn’t get a hotel room so they have been sleeping in their car for the last 3 days without a shower?!?!? If you can’t afford to BATHE then you shouldn’t spend your money on games!!!!! STOP BEING WORTHLESS!!! And this is EXACTLY WHY you are worthless, smello!!!
I’m sorry (not really) but I am SICK AND TIRED of being the ‘nice’ guy. I’M A MASKED DOUCHEBAG DAMN IT! If you reek, and I mean ReeeeeeeeeK, then I’m calling your sticky ass out! You are invading my personal space with your green cloud of disgust! I’m gonna get in your face (well, not literally, cuz you smell like a baby who’s diaper hasn’t been changed in weeks) and I’m gonna say “Hey smello, you are causing me to throw up in my mouth from your uglo odor. GO BATHE!!!!!!”
And people wonder why gamers get a bad rap?!?! IT’S NOT A STEROTYPE IF I’M GAGGING!!!!!!
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POSTANGER:
Bathing is NOT an option, it (should be) THE LAW! If you assault me with your odor then I should be able to assault you with a bucket of CK1!! Just because you’re a gamer doesn’t mean you need to be such a stereotype. In the end if you reek you aren’t a geek, you’re not a nerd, you’re a filthy degenerate who needs to stay in his mommy’s basement! WE DON’T NEED YOUR UGLO SMELL IN OUR WORLD!!!
I’d say ‘gas em’ but their tolerance to noxious vapors is probably too high!!!!
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FINAL COMMENTS:
What is your take on ‘Gamer Stench’? What can we do to fight this disease? How can we make them not smell so horrid? Can we teach them to shower? Leave comments below and let’s eliminate this foul issue once and for all!!!!
Till next week, may the douchebaggery be with you!