Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Oct 28, 2009 in
Angry Minute You know what REALLY pisses me off about Halloween?
CHRISTMAS!!
Yeah, that’s right, one holiday hate spews another!
What the FRAK is wrong with the GREED of these stores?!?! Before I even buy my candy for Beggar’s Night I’m staring at Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick and some festive snowperson! Stores start their Christmas Expansions WAY TOO EARLY!
What, do they think we FORGOT when Christmas is?!?! Do they EXPECT me to put up my lights and tree TOMORROW?!?!?
Maybe it’s just me but I was raised that you put the tree up during THANKSGIVING weekend. Heck, that’s when you string the lights and décor the home with holiday cheer! Yet these stores want the public to start their Xmas shopping earlier and earlier each year!
FRAK THEM!
So what I ask if you, I BEG of you, this holiday season PLEASE celebrate the season the right way. Spend time with the ones you love, enjoy their company and sip on a nice hot cup of cocoa. Life is too short to be stressed out about buying presents and stringing lights and cutting down tress.
Have fun this season, and leave the stress for after the holidays… that’s when you’ll see your massive credit card debt!!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Go ENJOY Halloween!!!
Tags: Angry Minute, Christmas, Halloween, Trick-or-Treat
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Oct 21, 2009 in
Angry Minute Two down, two to go. This is your Halloween Pisses Me Off Angry Minute for Wednesday, October 21st 2009!
BA BA BA BAAAAAAAAAAA!!
You know what pisses me and many of the young ones off during the Halloween season? Non-Candy Givers! Yeah, we all know who they are. That old lady down the street who gives nickels? What about the creepy health nut who hands out fruit? Or other “great” treats like protein bars, juice boxes, homemade cookies, or even coupons?!?!?! Excuse me for a moment… WHAT THE FRAK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!
Now as an adult I understand that there are categories of people, and based on the categories are ultimately the treat you receive. So let’s go to the HALLOWEEN LIST OF TREAT GIVERS and examine who they are and why they give the treats they do.
THE HALLOWEEN LIST OF TREAT GIVERS:
1. FunSized Candy Giver – Your normal givers. They hand out the FunSize (Mini) Candies. We respect these givers as this is why we Trick-or-Treat, for sweets and delicious candies 
2. Big-Candy Giver – Like a mythical beast, some say that on Beggar’s Night there are homes who hand out Regular Candy, like normal sized Snicker bars. And even rarer are those who hand out KING SIZED varieties of our favorite candy! Any individual who has the money and the heart to do such great deeds deserves to be immortalized for all time. Nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is greater for a child then to open their bag on Trick-or-Treat and see a massive about of sweets being tossed into their loot. Thank you oh great mythical givers, thank you!
3. Coin Giver – Money is great, don’t get me wrong, but these Givers just don’t get it. Typically of the older age, these elderly goodhearted people hand out nickels, dimes, and maybe if you’re lucky quarters. Now if I go to 100 houses during Beggar’s Night and get a quarter from each, I’d have $25. Now go to the store and buy $25 worth of candy… and now you see you got LESS then if you had been given candy by these CHEAPSKATES! The only exception I would not be pissed about getting a coin is if it was ATLEAST a dollar or more, then I’d happily take.
4. Health Giver – Apples, Oranges, Granola Bars, etc. First off most parents will THROW OUT any fruit in their kid’s basket (haven’t you been told NOT to eat anything that isn’t wrapped? I know I have). Granola Bars I have no big problem with, but they better taste good or you’re getting TP’ed!
5. Made-It-Myself Giver – Cookies, Cupcakes, Brownies, etc. Once again if it isn’t store wrapped I don’t want my kid to have it. People need to think and BE SAFE. Some crazy could have put a razor blade in there! AHHHHHH THE PAIN ISN’T DELICIOUS!!! And speaking of Brownies, do you want your kid eating anything ‘special’? Now THAT would be a crazy Halloween!
6. Mystery Prize Giver – Toys, Coupons, etc. Depending on the quality will really depend on if this pisses me off or not. Toys are cool but only for the really young beggars. What about those that are still young enough for Trick-or-Treat but too old for toys? You gonna hand them an Xbox360 Game (which would be SUPER AWESOME!). Coupons can be great (like a free pizza) to crap (like 10% off my next visit to Foot Locker). Tread lightly as I hear some youngsters will take spoiled eggs to the homes that have cheated them out of candy riches!!
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POSTANGER:
In the end I’m happy to receive anything, but people need to realize that if the quality is bad or if it isn’t store wrapped it’s gonna get pitched. Don’t waste, give out safe gifts/candies and make Halloween a night of sugar high! Remember, they aren’t your kids and it isn’t your responsibility to monitor their eating habits; that falls on their parents who have to deal with the buggers on a candy crack high!
BONUS: A friend told me he likes to have several different treats to give on Halloween. Normal costumes get the normal candy, while superior costumes get King Sized candy! And those who are “too old” to be Trick-or-Treating OR those who don’t wear costumes get the dreaded APPLE! AHHHHHHHHHHH! I love this idea and I love pissing off snot nosed teenagers who think that they can get free candy by dressing up as themselves. Frak you teenagers, and GET OFF MY LAWN!
Tags: Angry Minute, Candy, Children, Halloween, Kids, Neighbor, Trick-or-Treat
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Oct 14, 2009 in
Angry Minute Tis the days of October, and all through the house, candy wrappers as crumbed, all upon the couch. Our costumes are hung in the closet with care, as soon we’ll be at a Halloween party all ready to scare!
Yeah I’m a poet, deal with it!
So welcome back to part 2 of this 4 part series on how the great holiday of Halloween has become nothing more then bullshit wrapped in more bullshit! Today I’d like to sit the kiddies down and talk about a night that at one point rivaled almost all other holidays (with the exception of Christmas, cuz expensive presents are awesome and beat candy any day of the week). But now Halloween has become some sort of joke, and I just don’t get it.
Let talk about Beggar’s Night. Do you remember Beggar’s Night as a child? It was the time during HALLOWEEN where you’d go out in costume, walking from door to door and declaring “Trick-or-Treat”! The households would fill you’re bag with sweet splendors and you’d reply with an honest “Thank You” before marching towards the next targeted home. This would continue for about 2 hours as Beggar’s Night had a time limit (cuz lets face it, some of these asshats would be Trick-or-Treating all night if we didn’t). You’d then go home at the end, where mommy and daddy would “inspect” you bag for pieces that could contain razorblades or poison (and for their trouble mommy and daddy would pick out a few pieces for themselves, a little payment for your safety). Then you’d gorge on sweets for the rest of the night, tucking whatever you didn’t devour away (sometimes hoarding your loot up until Christmas… maybe even longer!).
Now THAT was Beggar’s Night!
First off let’s dissect what the frak is wrong with Beggar’s Night! Hell, even the name is jackshit anymore! Beggar’s NIGHT??? Yeah, more like Beggar’s DAY as most communities stop the begging once the SUN GOES DOWN! Isn’t the whole point of HALLOWEEN to be scary and creepy and dark and NIGHT?!?! Oh that’s right Beggar’s night ISN’T EVEN ON HALLOWEEN ANYMORE! This is TOTAL BULL FRAKING SHIT! Why? WHY aren’t we celebrating the holiday ON THE HOLIDAY?!?! Most communities celebrate Halloween on the Thursday or even Wednesday BEFORE Halloween. WHY? I don’t understand!!! I mean I guess I understand the “trick-or-treat in daylight” bullshit because we need to keep the kids safe (but if their parents cared they’d go with them, but that’s right mommy and daddy are lazy and stupid and don’t bother taking any interest in their child’s life). But why WHY ON EARTH are we not celebrating on Halloween?! Is it for SAFETY? HOW THE FRAK DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?!?!
If we started celebrating Christmas on a day other then Dec 25th people would FREAK OUT! Same for Easter and Thanksgiving! So why is Halloween different?
Some say Beggar’s Night should be on a different night then Halloween because “other activities” that happen (like Friday Night High School Football Games, Keggers, and other fall sports/activities). I say BS! If Christmas was celebrated in September we would still celebrate it ON the holiday. Because Halloween only has loose religious roots no one defends the holiday, where as religious holidays (like Christmas) NEED to be celebrated on that day… though Jesus was NOT born on December 25th so why the hell is it sooooo important that Christmas fall on that specific day? MAKES NO SENSE!!!!!
And let’s just dip our toes into the fact that some cities are BANNING Beggar’s Night! BANNING IT for the “safety” of the children. Look, if you are a parent and worried about your kids safety YOU SHOULD GO WITH THEM AND PROTECT THEM! Don’t have time? DON’T HAVE TIME?!?! FOR YOUR OWN CHILD?!?! Now THAT should be a crime!
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POSTANGER:
What are your feelings on Beggar’s Night? Is it harmless fun for the community, or a sinister eve of destruction? What memories do you have from Trick-or-Treat? The comments are below, and we are always wondering how this makes YOU feel. Till next time, OWWWWWWWW!
Tags: Angry Minute, Beggar's Night, Candy, Children, Halloween, Trick-or-Treat
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Oct 7, 2009 in
Angry Minute Tis the season of ghost and ghouls! Werewolves and witches! And all that goes bump in the night. The devil’s day, hollow’s eve, it’s Halloween! Owwwwwwww!
Now when I was a little Douchebag I just loved Halloween. As a youngster all you have to do is to play dress-up, get a bucket or some sort of container, and run around your hometown knocking on doors and screaming TRICK-OR-TREAT! Strangers hand you candy (if you’re lucky) and off you go to the next house until the night’s festivities are over.
Yeah, that’s how it USE to be! Halloween is so lame anymore, and I have multiple issues with this holiday. So much ANGER I’m devoting every single “Angry Minute” this month to the holiday and how it PISSES ME OFF! So let’s start this 4-part series with the first thing that pisses me off:
PART 1: KIDS AND THEIR FRAKIN COSTUMES!!!!
There are two real fundamental problems with kid’s costumes these days. First is the amount of CRAP they call costumes! Now when I was a youngster (mini Douchebag if you will) me and my friends would dress-up like vampires, frankenstines, ghosts, and other spooky things of the night (you know, the reason Halloween is scary and all). Hell, I’m even cool with Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, ANYTHING that is dress-up!!! But there are some kids that just are so FRAKIN lazy they choose NOT WEAR A FRAKIN COSTUME!!! FRAK THAT! You come to my door looking NORMAL you ain’t getting SHIT from me! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! GO FRAK YOURSELF, LAZY MOTHERFRAKER! Halloween is a CONTRACT between Trick-or-Treater and those who hand out the treats; that contract states if you want me to give you’re candyass some candy YOU GOT TO EARN IT! If you don’t live up to your end of the deal then I shouldn’t live up to mine! And on the flip side of that, you come to my door with a super awesome costume (esp if you created it yourself or its super original) then I’ll give you MORE candy then the others!!! EARN YOUR KEEP!!!! EARN THEM CHOCOLATE BARS!!!
The second issue I have with kid’s costumes is how slutty little girl’s costumes have become! Now we will get into the fact that Halloween is a slut holiday for adults, but little girls are picking up on this and are dressing like, well, WHORES! Wearing fishnet stockings, itty bitty skirts, and showing (or attempting to show) cleavage and midriff is JUST PLAIN SICK AND WRONG AND THEIR PARENTS NEED TO BE TIED TO A RACECAR AND DRIVEN OVER HOT COALS AT 200MPH!!!!!!
What the FRAK is wrong with parents?!?!? Who in their right mind thinks it’s OK for a 10 year-old to dress like a prostitute?!?!? Is Halloween turning into a Pedophile Holiday?!?!
Needs some examples?!?!?
-Alice in Whoreland
-Born Bad
-Stitch Witch
-Hannah Montana
-Fallen Angel
-Jaibird
-Mega Star
-Midnight Witch
-Queen of Hearts
-The Cheshire Cat
-Vamp Fairy
These costumes are DISGUSTING and if I see any little WHORES out on Halloween I’m going to say, “Hey, why are dressed like a SLUT? Is that what you aspire to be when you grow up? Do you want to be just like YOUR MOTHER?!?!”
DISGUSTING!
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POSTANGER:
Do you have any examples of tasteless children’s costumes? Post a link in the comments.
Or maybe you think it’s OK for little girls to dress like the costumes shown above. Leave a comment, tell us why.
Or maybe you have an image of a really crappy kid’s costume. Post a link so we can all make fun of it!!!
Join us next week when we continue the ANGER against Halloween!!!!! OWWWWWWWW!
Tags: Alice in Wonderland, Angry Minute, Candy, Children, Costume, Dress-up, Halloween, Hannah Montana, Kids, Lazy, Parents, Pedophile, Slut, Slutty, Treat, Trick, Trick-or-Treat, Whore