Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Oct 7, 2009 in
Angry Minute Tis the season of ghost and ghouls! Werewolves and witches! And all that goes bump in the night. The devil’s day, hollow’s eve, it’s Halloween! Owwwwwwww!
Now when I was a little Douchebag I just loved Halloween. As a youngster all you have to do is to play dress-up, get a bucket or some sort of container, and run around your hometown knocking on doors and screaming TRICK-OR-TREAT! Strangers hand you candy (if you’re lucky) and off you go to the next house until the night’s festivities are over.
Yeah, that’s how it USE to be! Halloween is so lame anymore, and I have multiple issues with this holiday. So much ANGER I’m devoting every single “Angry Minute” this month to the holiday and how it PISSES ME OFF! So let’s start this 4-part series with the first thing that pisses me off:
PART 1: KIDS AND THEIR FRAKIN COSTUMES!!!!
There are two real fundamental problems with kid’s costumes these days. First is the amount of CRAP they call costumes! Now when I was a youngster (mini Douchebag if you will) me and my friends would dress-up like vampires, frankenstines, ghosts, and other spooky things of the night (you know, the reason Halloween is scary and all). Hell, I’m even cool with Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, ANYTHING that is dress-up!!! But there are some kids that just are so FRAKIN lazy they choose NOT WEAR A FRAKIN COSTUME!!! FRAK THAT! You come to my door looking NORMAL you ain’t getting SHIT from me! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! GO FRAK YOURSELF, LAZY MOTHERFRAKER! Halloween is a CONTRACT between Trick-or-Treater and those who hand out the treats; that contract states if you want me to give you’re candyass some candy YOU GOT TO EARN IT! If you don’t live up to your end of the deal then I shouldn’t live up to mine! And on the flip side of that, you come to my door with a super awesome costume (esp if you created it yourself or its super original) then I’ll give you MORE candy then the others!!! EARN YOUR KEEP!!!! EARN THEM CHOCOLATE BARS!!!
The second issue I have with kid’s costumes is how slutty little girl’s costumes have become! Now we will get into the fact that Halloween is a slut holiday for adults, but little girls are picking up on this and are dressing like, well, WHORES! Wearing fishnet stockings, itty bitty skirts, and showing (or attempting to show) cleavage and midriff is JUST PLAIN SICK AND WRONG AND THEIR PARENTS NEED TO BE TIED TO A RACECAR AND DRIVEN OVER HOT COALS AT 200MPH!!!!!!
What the FRAK is wrong with parents?!?!? Who in their right mind thinks it’s OK for a 10 year-old to dress like a prostitute?!?!? Is Halloween turning into a Pedophile Holiday?!?!
Needs some examples?!?!?
-Alice in Whoreland
-Born Bad
-Stitch Witch
-Hannah Montana
-Fallen Angel
-Jaibird
-Mega Star
-Midnight Witch
-Queen of Hearts
-The Cheshire Cat
-Vamp Fairy
These costumes are DISGUSTING and if I see any little WHORES out on Halloween I’m going to say, “Hey, why are dressed like a SLUT? Is that what you aspire to be when you grow up? Do you want to be just like YOUR MOTHER?!?!”
DISGUSTING!
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POSTANGER:
Do you have any examples of tasteless children’s costumes? Post a link in the comments.
Or maybe you think it’s OK for little girls to dress like the costumes shown above. Leave a comment, tell us why.
Or maybe you have an image of a really crappy kid’s costume. Post a link so we can all make fun of it!!!
Join us next week when we continue the ANGER against Halloween!!!!! OWWWWWWWW!
Tags: Alice in Wonderland, Angry Minute, Candy, Children, Costume, Dress-up, Halloween, Hannah Montana, Kids, Lazy, Parents, Pedophile, Slut, Slutty, Treat, Trick, Trick-or-Treat, Whore
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Sep 9, 2009 in
Angry Minute There has been a lot of controversy over Baraka Obama’s speech to our precious flowers. After reading his speech I don’t understand why. Hell, to be honest I think he was just too nice! Lucky for all my fans I wrote my OWN speech to the children of the USA! Please read and leave your comments below. Thanks!!!
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SPEECH TO AMERICA’S SCHOOL CHILDREN
WRITTEN BY MASKED D-BAY #8
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another action pack school year. Now I know some of you are thinking, “man, wish I was still in bed enjoying that great summer vacation” and to that I say, “stopping being a wuss and get over it! Be lucky that you have a summer vacation because as shitty as you all do in school will mean that future generations might not get summer vacations! So stop your pissy moaning!”
The world is changing, but one thing that that hasn’t changed is the need for intelligent people. We have too many “tards” in the USA, and those “tards” are all causing the responsible Americas pain and suffering. Want to know why your home was foreclosed on this past year? It’s because your mommy and daddy are horrible at math and couldn’t realize that they were living outside of their means! It’s because parents ASSUMED that they would always be employed at their workplace because in their delusional minds were “irreplaceable” and thought “this shithole workplace can’t survive unless I’m here”. Well guess what? That shithole is STILL running even though your “irreplaceable” parent isn’t with them. Want to know why? BECAUSE EVERYONE IS REPLACEABLE! And your mommy and daddy are NOT special at all! They are the same as the homeless bum on the street!
Yes we live in the great United States of America, but some of you may be under the idea of certain myths that are causing our country to go from being the world leader and standard to being an outright joke.
One of these myths is the idea that “Everyone gets a second change here in America”. What the FRAK is wrong with you to think that?!?! If that is what your parents are teaching you then you need to kick them square in the nuts because they are TELLING YOU it’s OK to FAIL! It is NEVER OK to fail! You will fail in life, that is given, but you should never fail and then EXPECT to be handed another opportunity. You will never be handed shit! It is a dog eat dog world out there and if you fail then you will be replaced with some guy who doesn’t even LIVE here in the United States. Its call OUTSOURCING! It’s when a company realizes that you are REPLACEBALE and someone else SOMEWHERE ELSE can do your job cheaper and with greater quality!
Another myth is that you can be anything here in America. You can be anything you want IF YOU APPLY YOURSELF! Most of you are sitting there not applying yourselves AT ALL! You just assume that when you graduate you will be handed a job, handed promotions, and handed a salary! WTF!!!!!! With that attitude no wonder many of this generation finds themselves STILL living at home with their parents! Is that what you want? Do you WANT to be 25 and living with mommy and daddy? Yeah, try bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend home to THAT!
The truth is that the children are the future, and that makes me sad because most of the children could care less. And for the most part it isn’t the kids fault, it’s the PARENTS fault! It’s the parents that use television and video games as a crutch, as a babysitter! Turn off the BOOBTUBE, they call it that because it creates BOOBS (and not the good ones we all love to play with)! Parents need to interject themselves in their kid’s lives, but most parents are SELFISH and still think that they can go out and party and pretend that THEY are still teenagers! GROW THE FRAK UP! You are ABUSING your children by thinking this way! Your kids need a parent NOT A FRIEND! They have plenty of friends but they only get one mom and dad, and when mom and dad act like party animal horndogs that sends the WRONG message to them! Want to know why your kids are FRAKED up? IT’S YOUR FAULT! Cook dinner EVERY NIGHT for your kids! Be part of their lives! What ever happened to dinners at the dinner table? What ever happened to helping your sons and daughters with their homework after or even before dinner? Stop living with this sense that society should raise your spawn!
If you want to make this world a better place I advice that you limit your video games to an hour a day, remove the pop from your life and drink juice, learn that credit is evil and will cause you more pain then any other vice, and work hard and get a job at the age of twelve and learn the important lessons in life like responsibility now so when you are older you can realize that a variable rate mortgage is a horrid idea and will cause you to lose your home if you lose your job! To all those that lost their homes GOOD, IT WAS YOUR OWN FAULT FOR BEING FRAKING STUPID AND THINKING YOU ARE BETTER THEN YOU REALLY ARE! Where the FRAK did this idea of everyone should be allowed to own a home come from? You are entitled to NOTHING as you need to EARN everything!!!
The children are our greatest assets, yet we are hypnotizing them with trash on TV and video games that are teaching them to beat down hookers so they can save some virtual cash! And the parents have the gull to blame the video game industry and the television/movie industry? How about YOU monitor your own kids, YOU tell them what is right and wrong, and YOU teach them how to be the best person they can be! Because if you don’t they will go out and buy things they can’t afford and then cry to those who were responsible for help. Don’t be a beggar, don’t be a loser, be a WINNER and a HERO and amount to something in life. Because if you can’t, well then I hope you leave this country and stop wasting our time!
Thank you, and enjoy your school year!
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REFERENCES:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks/
http://seminal.firedoglake.com/diary/7919
Tags: America, Angry Minute, Children, Failure, Freeloading, Kids, Lazy, Parents, Personal Accountability, Selfish, Stupid, Video Games
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Aug 5, 2009 in
Angry Minute In the beginning the FSM created something called Natural Selection. You see, his great noodleness knew that in the coarse of humanity that their would be “anomalies” and there would need to be a way to remove them from said humanity. So in his divine wisdom he created Natural Selection.
But the FSM couldn’t foresee that we as humans would try and circumvent Natural Selection. I assume this was unfathomable to him as it would be like trying to stick your arm in an incinerator to save a piece of paper (ala IT WOULD BE POINTLESS, STUID, RECKLESS, AND COST YOU AN ARM!)
First off: do you know what Natural Selection is? “The process in nature by which, according to Darwin’s theory of evolution, only the organisms best adapted to their environment tend to survive and transmit their genetic characteristics in increasing numbers to succeeding generations while those less adapted tend to be eliminated.” (SOURCE)
So what does that mean in layman’s terms? It means people who cannot take care of themselves eventually die. Because stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to survive. Adapt or Die.
Think of it this way; if a small weak gazelle is born it dies quickly because it can’t survive in its environment. The big hungry lion eventually is too quick and eats the gazelle. Natural Selection occurs. Visa versa of this is if a small weak lion is born it isn’t strong enough to catch the gazelles and eventually dies of starvation. Natural Selection occurs once again. The gazelle and/or lion need to adapt or they cannot survive.
The problem with out world is we are trying to avoid Natural Selection. We are letting the stupid survive! We are not just allowing the stupid/unskilled/lazy to survive, we are ALLOWING them and even HELPING them to survive?!?!?! WHAT THE FRAK IS WRONG WITH US??????
Why do we allow these people to survive? Why don’t we allow Natural Selection to take the lives of the stupid/unskilled/lazy? Well for that I think we should view THE LIST OF ANGER.
1. Being a “Good” Person – People want to be good by nature. If someone is stupid/unskilled/lazy humanity has this concept that we can “help” them or even “cure” them. So we throw money at them (no child left behind, unemployment, welfare, free schooling, etc) in an attempt to jumpstart them from laziness. The problem here is we are taking money away from HONEST HARDWORKING people and giving it to the LAZY, SELFISH, UNEDUCATED, UNTRAINABLE, FREELOADING, ASSHATS. Now I’m not saying that we can’t help people, we should, be we should also know when to STOP A BAD INVESTMENT. There are people who have collected welfare for FAR TOO LONG and we need to JUST SAY NO to them, as they are obviously abusing the system and not working towards helping themselves or their “loved” ones. Being good is a great trait, but there are always gonna be people who take advantage of that good nature.
2. Failure/Death – People fear death and failure. People don’t want to die and people don’t want to fail. So to allow others to die/fail would be in a way accepting death and failure in humanity. People just can’t accept these ideals. We try everything to prevent death/failure, and if we want to prevent death/failure in ourselves and our loved ones then we will ultimately see that in others and want to prevent their demise. But the truth is death and failure are PARTS OF LIFE. If someone cannot survive in their environment then they should die/fail, and that is how it worked for MILLIONS of years. Failure/Death is HOW PEOPLE LEARN! If you never fail, if you never experience death, then you NEVER LEARN. Yet mankind saves those who cannot take care of themselves. We hook the living dead up to machines that keep them “alive” until their bodies become shells. We let children succeed in school even though they can’t pass their tests/classes. We give kinds awards for LAST PLACE! This is not helping us, because when someone DOES die and DOES fail they don’t understand how to accept that loss and move on (just look at all these people FREAKING OUT about Michael Jackson’s death. He died, BIG DEAL! Get over it and MOVE OF!). If we allowed people to fail then they would become unskilled, would not be able to survive in their environment, and would DIE or they would learn from said failure, and become A BETTER PERSON from that experience. That is the way the world is SUPPOSE to work! Fail and Learn = LIVE. Fail and Don’t Learn = DIE.
3. Individuality/Superiority – A friend told me that what separates use from animals is our individuality. People have this idea that because we can talk in our language and think the way we do that makes us better then everything else. And since we are better then we should by proxy be rulers of everything. How wrong of an idea this is. First off; everything has individuality. Trees, clouds, animals, food, EVERYTHING is unique in some way. Even copies have some individuality. Second; We are NOT superior. We are just like animals – we just choose NOT to accept that fact. We want to be “different” and have “compassion”. But animals DO have compassion, they just think more RATIONALLY then we ever can. We see a weak human and we try to make it stronger regardless of if they are becoming stronger. Animals see a weak animal and try to make it stronger, but if it cannot then they let it die. Survival of the fittest.
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POSTANGER:
It is my opinion that this world would be a better place if we let the worthless fend for themselves. People who can’t fend for themselves should either adapt or die. Examples of this:
Kids Failing @ School – Millions of Tax Dollars are poured into failing children each year (aka No Child Left Behind). The truth is in life there are winners and losers, and these kids are losers and are (and have been) a waste of our time. I think a kid should get ONE extra chance, maybe TWO at most, but when I was growing up we called that REPEATING THE GRADE. Now we don’t do that, we just push them through to the next grade, hand ‘em a diploma, and call them “special” or “needy”. When I was growing up the kids that were “special” were the ones who were mentally disabled, but now ANYBODY can be special just because they are stupid. STUPID ISN’T SPEICAL, ITS STUPID! And as Ron White (one of MY heroes) says – YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID! Let’em fail, when they become adults they will either adapt or die. Let the FSM sort’em out!
The Unemployed – I have no real sympathy for the Unemployed, maybe because I have a great work ethic. Sure I may not be the best employee from time to time, but I know how to hold down a job and keep it. But there are some who can’t. I’m OK with Unemployment Benefits to help those who are in need… but ONLY for 3 months MAXIMUM. If your lazy ass can’t get a job within 3 Months then you are worthless. If I lost my job tomorrow I GUARANTEE I would only be out of work MAYBE 2 weeks TOPS. Gas Stations, Fast Food Restaurants, Chain Stores, Wal-Mart’s, THEY ALL HIRE! Swallow your pride and stop being a worthless asshat! Oh you can’t get work there because of some stupid reason THAT WAS YOUR FAULT (federal crime, no skills, not a people person) well then YOU DIE. Game over for you. Guess you should have learned how to do SOMETHING with your life. Adapt or die.
Parents with Tons of Kids – We as tax payers should NEVER have to pay for someone else’s kids. If a parent(s) cannot support their kids then the government should take them away. “But Masked D-Bag, our foster centers are filled with kids. We can’t possibly fill them with more”. With the money we give these so called “parents” we could be creating boarding-school types of foster care centers to teach, love, and raise unwanted/unneeded children. I like that idea better then Susie Q popping out here 10th kid JUST SO SHE CAN GET MONEY!! We cannot live in a system that allows people to benefit from the suffering of others, ESPECIALLY THEIR OWN CHILDREN! I don’t have kids, wonder why? I CANT AFFORD THEM! I’m not gonna burden you or the government because I can’t take care of my spawn. The responsible should be allowed children, the irresponsible should have their kids taken away.
Welfare – See Unemployed and Parents with Tons of Kids. Welfare ENCOURAGES people to be lazy and dumb. Welfare teaches people that they can get by without having ANY type of skill or abilities. If you cannot be a PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY then you should DIE! Adapt or Die!
Universal Health Care – Once again we try to help everyone. Let’s worry about OURSELVES and let others worry about their selves (or however that is supposed to be said)! I know our Healthcare system sucks, but that’s because it is TOOOOOOO EXPENSIVE! Insurance isn’t the answer, the answer is making Healthcare AFFORDABLE. A broken arm should cost $50 to cast, but these hospitals are now BUSINESSES! I don’t want to pay for people because they are stupid; if you are stupid and can’t afford to get medical attention THEN YOU WILL EITHER ADAPT OR DIE! Don’t make me suffer because I am responsible and I have PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!!!
These are just some of the retartedness of our mankind. Call it mean, call it insensitive, but I call it PROGRESS. We can’t allow the stupid/unskilled to survive; if they can’t learn then they can’t live. We can’t allow the lazy to survive; if they can’t become productive then they can’t live. We can’t allow those who take advantage of our good nature to continue; if they can’t survive ON THEIR OWN then they can’t live.
Is it my fault they have no friends to help them? Is it my fault they have no one BUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE to assist them? Guess they should have been nicer in their youth, should have paid attention in school, should have worked hard, and should have a good decent PRODUCTIVE human.
Adapt or Die; This should be our motto. Land of the Free? More like Land of the FreeLOADING!
Tags: Angry Minute, Children, Death, Failure, Freeloading, Kids, Lazy, Natural Selection, No Child Left Behind, Personal Accountability, Selfish, Stupid, Survival, Unemployed, Universal Health Care, Unskilled, Welfare