Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Feb 24, 2010 in
Angry Minute What the FRAK is wrong with people these days? Can’t they put a wiener in their mouth without choking on it?
I guess not. I mean I’ve had several wieners in my mouth, some at the same time, and I’ve never choked on any of them.
Why are you laughing? Ohhhh… you are sick sick person! I’m talking hot dog wieners you pervert!!!
I just finished reading THIS ARTICLE and I’m speechless. Parents want to CHANGE HOTDOGS because kids are choking on them. The logic here baffles me. I understand that choking is a risk, but it is a risk we all take every day. But somehow we seem to get through the day without choking and dying. How do we do it? Well we CHEW OUT DAMN FOOD! How about you teach your kids to SHUT THEIR MOUTHS AND EAT?!?!? Oh no that would be PARENTING and we can’t have that now can we? It’s just easier to blame hotdogs then for parents to actually blame themselves.
So these crazies also want to put warning labels on ALL foods and candies that are choking hazards. So that amounts to almost EVERY FRAKIN THING WE PUT IN OUR MOUTHS!!!!!! And if you don’t know you can choke on an M&M then you should choke and DIE because you are not helping the human evolution, you are deterring it.
I’d like to know who these people are who have no idea you can choke on small food items. Do they think that magically their throat will digest these items so there is no fear of swallowing them whole? Just put that wiener in your mouth and see how far down your throat you can shove it till you gag. Just keep shoving it in there, what possibly could go wrong?
So let’s redesign the hotdog then since it is a menace to society. We could make it flat and put it on a bun… oh wait that’s called a hamburger. You see a hotdog is a hotdog because of its shape; to change that would be to change what that food is entirely. It makes no sense and it totally retarded.
I like how these crazies take the responsibility out of their own hands and place blame on the creators of these foods/candies. How about if you are afraid of choking on a wiener DON’T FRAKIN EAT WIENERS! Why do you need to ruin it for us who know how to chew our food? I understand young kids don’t understand chewing and are at risk for choking, but THE PARENTS should be responsible and cut up the child’s food into small parts so this doesn’t happen. Oh look what I did there, I MADE THE PARENTS RESPONSIBLE! Isn’t that a weird concept? Who would have EVER THOUGHT TO FRAKIN DO THAT?!?!?! Hell next they will ask to have grapes redesigned because people choke on them… oh wait THE ARTICLE DOES RECOMMEND THAT! WHAT THE FRAK?!?!?!?!
Darwin would be proud to know that stupid people are still stupid. At some point we have to say if you are dumb and don’t understand that you can choke on things that go into your mouth then maybe you are too dumb to be alive. Maybe the world is a better place without you.
I personally will always have a nice hot wiener in my mouth. I like the taste, I like the texture, and I love how it feels inside me.
I was talking about eating hot dogs! FSM you people are sick!
Tags: Angry Minute, Chew, Children, Choking, Hazard, Health, Hot Dog, Kids, Parental Responsibility, Parents, Swallow, Wiener
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Dec 23, 2009 in
Angry Minute Tis the season of giving 
This Holiday (not christmas, as Holiday is the traditional celebration for all FSMers) I wanted to look back at a year that saw Angry Minute be born. Angry Minute was actually created on Jan 28th 2009 through the Notes Application in Facebook. It was SOOOOOO popular that the website had to be created. Because of this there are actually several AngryMinutes that were NEVER posted on this website.
So with these last 4 weeks of 2009 I want to post the top 4 Angry Minutes that were never posted on this website. MERRY HOLIDAY BASTARDS!!!
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ANGER TOPIC: Taking Parental Responsibility
(originally posted on 03/25/2009)
You know what gets under my FRAKIN skin? When parents blame everyone except themselves or their children! Because FSM knows that your brats can’t do anything wrong!
FRAK THAT!!!
Parents love to play the dumb card. They love to say, “I can’t watch my kid all the time”, “My kid’s a good kid”, and “I want to be their friend, not their enemy”. Um… YOU ARE THE PARENT! It IS your job to watch you kid AT ALL TIMES (you are RESPONSIBLE for them after all). Even the best kids do the worst things under pressure, so the kid needs a PARENT to keep them in line and not a friend (kids have plenty of friends, but they are very limited on parents).
Let’s take a look at this with a three prong story edition of THE LIST OF ANGER!!!!!
LIST OF ANGER:
1. Being Their Friend: So I was watching “The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet” yesterday and they did this segment about Spring Break. They had an 18 year-old girl who wanted to go to Mexico for Spring Break, and her parent was actually going to let her! The Government has released a notice telling Americans to STAY AWAY from Mexico for Spring Break because of the kidnappings, murders, and all that FUN AND CRAZY STUFF! But this bubbly blond wanted to go “have fun” without her mommy anyway. I guess that would be fine if the 18 year-old wasn’t saying things like “I want to party with my friends” and “I should be able to make my own decisions”. And the amazing part is the parent was actually leaning towards letting her go EVEN THOUGH the parent works for a lawfirm and has seen first hand what these heathens do during Spring Break. Why is that? Because mommy didn’t want to be the parent, she wanted to be the friend. And I know what you are gonna say; “The chick is 18, she is legal and can do whatever she wants.” NO! NO! NO! She is a senior in high school, and she still lives at home so that makes the PARENT IN CHARGE! Yet the parent doesn’t want to be in charge, they want to be friends. YOU ARE NOT YOUR CHILDS FRIEND!!!! Also, just because your kid is 18 DOES NOT MAKE THEM AN ADULT! (http://www.mandjshow.com/show-recaps/tuesday-march-24-mj-investigates-spring-break/)
2. Taking Responsibility: This is a tragic story. Jessica Logan was a sweet 18 year-old who decided that she wanted to up her game with her boyfriend of a couple months so she took sexy nude photos of herself and sent them to him over the phone. Well, the loving and caring boyfriend forwarded those photos and eventually hundreds of kids in the Cincinnati High School had seen Jessica’s goods. The children then started to taunt her, making fun of her no matter where she was. Jessica was so distressed because of the taunting. They called her a slut, a whore, and probably YOUR MOM. What horrible things to say to a girl who wasn’t a whore… she just wanted a man she had been dating for only a few weeks to view her sexy and luscious body as an object for him to conquer and own. (Um… isn’t that what a whore is???). In any case she couldn’t take it anymore so she took her own life, not thinking of the ones she loved. She did the EXACT SAME THING when she messaged her boyfriend nude cell-phone photos of herself (she was selfish). She was only thinking of herself and how she wanted to get her boyfriend (who she’d only been dating for a month or two) all hot and bothered so they could go roll in the hay (that’s slang for bumpin uglies, horizontal mambo, or even the famous doin’ it). But that isn’t what really bothers me (though it does, and will be an Angry Minute at some point). What ANGERS me is the parents, after all of this, still think THEY DID NOTHING WRONG! Let me quote her mother, Cynthia Logan: “My only baby that I will never be able to touch again. I will never have grandchildren. I will never be able to hand down my heirlooms. I’m just devastated by these parents that allow their children to do and say anything they want.” Um… EXCUSE ME?!?!? You are devastated that these parents let their children do and say whatever they want? Yeah, um… YOU ARE ONE OF THESE PARENTS ASSHAT! You let your daughter do whatever she wanted!!! She posed for nude photos, sent them to a man she’d only been with for a short period, and then killed herself because she didn’t know where to turn. SHE SURE AS HELL DIDN’T TURN TO YOU!!!! Sounds like she did what she wanted. YOU gave her life, YOU gave her the phone, and YOU gave her moral direction. Kids tease, THAT IS PART OF LIFE PEOPLE! If Jessica had been raised to know better she wouldn’t have been in this position in the first place. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY! I don’t care if you tell me she was a good kid, because PROOF shows us something a bit different. It only takes one moment to turn a good kid bad. ONE FRAKIN MOMENT! (http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090322/NEWS01/903220312?foo=fee)
3. Punishment: And here is the REAL problem. Parents think that there kids are special and don’t need disciplined. You see it all the time. Think of the kid throwing the tantrum at the grocery store because he wants a candy bar. I’ve seen parents SO LAZY that they don’t want to deal with the embarrassment so they buy the item for their child. WHAT THE FRAK!?!?! Or have you ever been out to dinner and you see that parents dealing with their children who are throwing food, acting like animals? What do these parents do? They calmly say “Now that’s not nice. Don’t throw your food.” YOUR KID NEEDS A GOOD OLD FASION ASS WHOOPIN! When in the FSM’s name did we allow our children to act like heathens? If I even thought about doing something bad I got beat! “But that’s abuse” some may say. No, that is PARENTING! If your kid is a monster it is YOUR FAULT! YOU ARE A BAD PARENT! Now I know there are some cases where this may not be true (some kids are bad, no matter how amazing there parents are) but the majority of these kids are doing whatever the hell they want because no one is giving them a reason not to. If there is no real punishment then what is to stop them from doing whatever they want. You’re kids DO NOT have the right to be out in public annoying me or others. THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! As a child I knew that I was to behave in public, to be on my best behavior. I feared my mother and father (and I still do) but now I’m older I have THANKED THEM for beating me and giving me moral direction. They wanted me to be able to make GOOD CHOICES. They are my PARENTS and they treated me as there CHILD. And I STILL behave myself because even though I’m an adult my mother will still pull my pants down and beat me if I act up. BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME! If you DON’T beat your child YOU ARE A BAD PARENT. PERIOD THE FRAKIN END!
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POSTANGER:
Being Their Friend – There is plenty of time to be their friend once they are grown up and are mature (I say that is around 22-23 years old). You are the parent, not the friend. Kids need a parent and if you don’t be their parent then they will grownup to not know the difference between right and wrong. Be their friend later, be their parent NOW.
Taking Responsibility – It is easy for parents to not blame themselves, but the truth is that it’s your kid and your responsibility. When your kid does something wrong that is your fault. I know kids will be kids and all that junk, but you are the parent. If my dog bit you who would be held responsible? I would, because it is MY dog. It is YOUR kid, so it is your responsibility. Be active with your kids, be involved in what they like, and learn EVERYTHING that they are interested in. If you are not a proactive parent then you aren’t really a good parent.
Punishment – No one wants to spank their kids, but it has to be done. I know I’ll get flak on this, but I’m a firm believer that sometimes physical punishment is needed. There is a time and place for it, but it is needed to raise a good kid. If you don’t use physicality then you are showing weakness to your child, and they will use that to their advantage to get away with whatever they want. Don’t believe me? Yeah, probably cuz you weren’t beat and think you turned out just fine. Delusion is fun isn’t it?
Tags: Angry Minute, Children, Friend, Kids, Parents, Personal Responsibility, Punishment, Responsivility, Spanking
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Oct 7, 2009 in
Angry Minute Tis the season of ghost and ghouls! Werewolves and witches! And all that goes bump in the night. The devil’s day, hollow’s eve, it’s Halloween! Owwwwwwww!
Now when I was a little Douchebag I just loved Halloween. As a youngster all you have to do is to play dress-up, get a bucket or some sort of container, and run around your hometown knocking on doors and screaming TRICK-OR-TREAT! Strangers hand you candy (if you’re lucky) and off you go to the next house until the night’s festivities are over.
Yeah, that’s how it USE to be! Halloween is so lame anymore, and I have multiple issues with this holiday. So much ANGER I’m devoting every single “Angry Minute” this month to the holiday and how it PISSES ME OFF! So let’s start this 4-part series with the first thing that pisses me off:
PART 1: KIDS AND THEIR FRAKIN COSTUMES!!!!
There are two real fundamental problems with kid’s costumes these days. First is the amount of CRAP they call costumes! Now when I was a youngster (mini Douchebag if you will) me and my friends would dress-up like vampires, frankenstines, ghosts, and other spooky things of the night (you know, the reason Halloween is scary and all). Hell, I’m even cool with Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, ANYTHING that is dress-up!!! But there are some kids that just are so FRAKIN lazy they choose NOT WEAR A FRAKIN COSTUME!!! FRAK THAT! You come to my door looking NORMAL you ain’t getting SHIT from me! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! GO FRAK YOURSELF, LAZY MOTHERFRAKER! Halloween is a CONTRACT between Trick-or-Treater and those who hand out the treats; that contract states if you want me to give you’re candyass some candy YOU GOT TO EARN IT! If you don’t live up to your end of the deal then I shouldn’t live up to mine! And on the flip side of that, you come to my door with a super awesome costume (esp if you created it yourself or its super original) then I’ll give you MORE candy then the others!!! EARN YOUR KEEP!!!! EARN THEM CHOCOLATE BARS!!!
The second issue I have with kid’s costumes is how slutty little girl’s costumes have become! Now we will get into the fact that Halloween is a slut holiday for adults, but little girls are picking up on this and are dressing like, well, WHORES! Wearing fishnet stockings, itty bitty skirts, and showing (or attempting to show) cleavage and midriff is JUST PLAIN SICK AND WRONG AND THEIR PARENTS NEED TO BE TIED TO A RACECAR AND DRIVEN OVER HOT COALS AT 200MPH!!!!!!
What the FRAK is wrong with parents?!?!? Who in their right mind thinks it’s OK for a 10 year-old to dress like a prostitute?!?!? Is Halloween turning into a Pedophile Holiday?!?!
Needs some examples?!?!?
-Alice in Whoreland
-Born Bad
-Stitch Witch
-Hannah Montana
-Fallen Angel
-Jaibird
-Mega Star
-Midnight Witch
-Queen of Hearts
-The Cheshire Cat
-Vamp Fairy
These costumes are DISGUSTING and if I see any little WHORES out on Halloween I’m going to say, “Hey, why are dressed like a SLUT? Is that what you aspire to be when you grow up? Do you want to be just like YOUR MOTHER?!?!”
DISGUSTING!
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POSTANGER:
Do you have any examples of tasteless children’s costumes? Post a link in the comments.
Or maybe you think it’s OK for little girls to dress like the costumes shown above. Leave a comment, tell us why.
Or maybe you have an image of a really crappy kid’s costume. Post a link so we can all make fun of it!!!
Join us next week when we continue the ANGER against Halloween!!!!! OWWWWWWWW!
Tags: Alice in Wonderland, Angry Minute, Candy, Children, Costume, Dress-up, Halloween, Hannah Montana, Kids, Lazy, Parents, Pedophile, Slut, Slutty, Treat, Trick, Trick-or-Treat, Whore
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Sep 9, 2009 in
Angry Minute There has been a lot of controversy over Baraka Obama’s speech to our precious flowers. After reading his speech I don’t understand why. Hell, to be honest I think he was just too nice! Lucky for all my fans I wrote my OWN speech to the children of the USA! Please read and leave your comments below. Thanks!!!
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SPEECH TO AMERICA’S SCHOOL CHILDREN
WRITTEN BY MASKED D-BAY #8
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another action pack school year. Now I know some of you are thinking, “man, wish I was still in bed enjoying that great summer vacation” and to that I say, “stopping being a wuss and get over it! Be lucky that you have a summer vacation because as shitty as you all do in school will mean that future generations might not get summer vacations! So stop your pissy moaning!”
The world is changing, but one thing that that hasn’t changed is the need for intelligent people. We have too many “tards” in the USA, and those “tards” are all causing the responsible Americas pain and suffering. Want to know why your home was foreclosed on this past year? It’s because your mommy and daddy are horrible at math and couldn’t realize that they were living outside of their means! It’s because parents ASSUMED that they would always be employed at their workplace because in their delusional minds were “irreplaceable” and thought “this shithole workplace can’t survive unless I’m here”. Well guess what? That shithole is STILL running even though your “irreplaceable” parent isn’t with them. Want to know why? BECAUSE EVERYONE IS REPLACEABLE! And your mommy and daddy are NOT special at all! They are the same as the homeless bum on the street!
Yes we live in the great United States of America, but some of you may be under the idea of certain myths that are causing our country to go from being the world leader and standard to being an outright joke.
One of these myths is the idea that “Everyone gets a second change here in America”. What the FRAK is wrong with you to think that?!?! If that is what your parents are teaching you then you need to kick them square in the nuts because they are TELLING YOU it’s OK to FAIL! It is NEVER OK to fail! You will fail in life, that is given, but you should never fail and then EXPECT to be handed another opportunity. You will never be handed shit! It is a dog eat dog world out there and if you fail then you will be replaced with some guy who doesn’t even LIVE here in the United States. Its call OUTSOURCING! It’s when a company realizes that you are REPLACEBALE and someone else SOMEWHERE ELSE can do your job cheaper and with greater quality!
Another myth is that you can be anything here in America. You can be anything you want IF YOU APPLY YOURSELF! Most of you are sitting there not applying yourselves AT ALL! You just assume that when you graduate you will be handed a job, handed promotions, and handed a salary! WTF!!!!!! With that attitude no wonder many of this generation finds themselves STILL living at home with their parents! Is that what you want? Do you WANT to be 25 and living with mommy and daddy? Yeah, try bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend home to THAT!
The truth is that the children are the future, and that makes me sad because most of the children could care less. And for the most part it isn’t the kids fault, it’s the PARENTS fault! It’s the parents that use television and video games as a crutch, as a babysitter! Turn off the BOOBTUBE, they call it that because it creates BOOBS (and not the good ones we all love to play with)! Parents need to interject themselves in their kid’s lives, but most parents are SELFISH and still think that they can go out and party and pretend that THEY are still teenagers! GROW THE FRAK UP! You are ABUSING your children by thinking this way! Your kids need a parent NOT A FRIEND! They have plenty of friends but they only get one mom and dad, and when mom and dad act like party animal horndogs that sends the WRONG message to them! Want to know why your kids are FRAKED up? IT’S YOUR FAULT! Cook dinner EVERY NIGHT for your kids! Be part of their lives! What ever happened to dinners at the dinner table? What ever happened to helping your sons and daughters with their homework after or even before dinner? Stop living with this sense that society should raise your spawn!
If you want to make this world a better place I advice that you limit your video games to an hour a day, remove the pop from your life and drink juice, learn that credit is evil and will cause you more pain then any other vice, and work hard and get a job at the age of twelve and learn the important lessons in life like responsibility now so when you are older you can realize that a variable rate mortgage is a horrid idea and will cause you to lose your home if you lose your job! To all those that lost their homes GOOD, IT WAS YOUR OWN FAULT FOR BEING FRAKING STUPID AND THINKING YOU ARE BETTER THEN YOU REALLY ARE! Where the FRAK did this idea of everyone should be allowed to own a home come from? You are entitled to NOTHING as you need to EARN everything!!!
The children are our greatest assets, yet we are hypnotizing them with trash on TV and video games that are teaching them to beat down hookers so they can save some virtual cash! And the parents have the gull to blame the video game industry and the television/movie industry? How about YOU monitor your own kids, YOU tell them what is right and wrong, and YOU teach them how to be the best person they can be! Because if you don’t they will go out and buy things they can’t afford and then cry to those who were responsible for help. Don’t be a beggar, don’t be a loser, be a WINNER and a HERO and amount to something in life. Because if you can’t, well then I hope you leave this country and stop wasting our time!
Thank you, and enjoy your school year!
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REFERENCES:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks/
http://seminal.firedoglake.com/diary/7919
Tags: America, Angry Minute, Children, Failure, Freeloading, Kids, Lazy, Parents, Personal Accountability, Selfish, Stupid, Video Games