ANGRY MINUTE #0003: Dear Bitch Who Keeps Parking in the Grass Infront of my Apartment
Hi, I’m your neighbor. Which one? Well I’m the good looking quite one at the end of the complex who lives with his heterosexual life partner roommate and our love-child dog. I know you’ve seen me several times since you moved in, but I also know we have never spoken. Sorry about that, I have many video games to play and little time to interact with such simple people. My apologizes, but tiz the life of a Masked Douchebag.
Since you have moved in to our complex you may have noticed the “No Parking Anytime” sign that sits in front of our townhouses. Or maybe you haven’t. Let me explain what “No Parking Anytime” means, as it seems to not be fully clear to you. The sign was placed there because the entrance to the apartment complex is blocked if someone parks there as you have been doing. This isn’t too much of a trouble for smaller vehicles, but school buses and semis can’t seem to squeeze their fat arses in if there is a car parked there. So it is now a “No Parking Zone” as per the Apartment Gods.
I don’t want to seem rude that’s a lie or come to any quick conclusions like your a stupid bitch, but either you have chosen to totally ignore this sign, are illiterate, or believe that by parking OVER the curb and IN the yard some how means you are not in the “No Parking Anytime” area. For those 3 options I would like to say LEARN TO FRAKIN READ AND GET YOUR SHITTY SUV OUT OF MY YARD!
Now I know what you are thinking; we live in townhouses and don’t have our own personal yards. This is true, but I would also like you to realize that a yard unless you are ghetto-trash hoe which you seem to be isn’t used for the parking of vehicles. You see the complex has given us TWO parking spots BEHIND our apartments, as well as the guest parking that is 20ft from the grassy area in which you continue to park.
Maybe there is some logical reason you have for parking in the grass and maybe pigs will grow frakin wings and fly. I notice that you typically do this when loading and unloading your spawn. Yet this could be done in the same way if you parked in your designated parking spot out back. Maybe your spawn are crippled… yet I see them walk perfectly fine. They have enough energy to run and scream up and down our sidewalk without any worry, so I assume from my eyes that these brats tykes have no handicap physically anyway, I mean we know they aren’t ever gonna keep a job and will probably live off foodstamps and unemployment for the rest of their lives (counting since the day they were conceived). But tiz the life of future highschool dropouts.
Maybe you are just lazy. This seems the most logical of all the conclusions I have. You are too FRAKIN lazy to drive the additional 20ft to a parking spot, so you drive your rapper-esq SUV with the spinning hubcaps OVER the curb and INTO the yard. How classy and by that I mean you have no class.
I want you to understand that this behavior is totally unacceptable and I will be calling my local pig patrol on your arrogant ass the next time I see your vehicle in my yard. I’m tired of walking out my front door and seeing a POS sitting where the grass would like to grow as if I’m about to be gunned down in a drive-by. Maybe where you come from you can park where ever you like, but that ain’t gonna fly in my neighborhood. I have put up with your screaming brats, but I will not put up with your blatant regard to be a piss-poor neighbor.
So, in conclusion; Have a Nice Day and stop being such an ignorant bitch.
Sincerely: The Masked Douchebag #8