Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Jan 6, 2010 in
Angry Minute First off let’s take a moment to thank the great FSM that the Holiday season is over. It was fun, but way to busy!
One of the things I did during my Holiday break was visit family. And on the whole my family don’t piss me off (sure we yell and scream but that’s just how my family does things. We are Douchebags after all). It was during one of these family gatherings that ANGER snuck itself into the fray.
It was Christmas Eve, and though I do not celebrate Christmas myself (Pastafarians like me celebrate the season of Holiday instead) I know my family does. So my love and I made the journey to Grandmother’s house, to enjoy a feast of dead animals and the unwrapping of gifts. I got a new wallet, a Mr. Potato Head, and a bracelet engraved with my initials. All was amazing, and anger looked to not be home for Christmas.
Then it started, just like a small snowflake starting to roll off the top of a mountain. For Xmas Grandma got the Sex in the City Season One on DVD. THE HORROR!!!!! Actually I could care less about Sex in the City (unless I’m the one getting the sex) so this was not the angry moment. Grandma doesn’t have a DVD Player. Well that’s no big deal either as I had a spare, so I brought it as an additional gift so she could enjoy her DVDs. Ain’t I just the best?
Now being the “tech geek” it is by law that I must hook up any and all electronic devices for others to play. DVDs are no exception. So off to the bedroom I go to hook the DVD Player up. Grandma has one of them old TVs that only has Coax, but she pays a large sum of money each month to Time Warner to have this big box in her room so she can DVR her shows. Below is an image of a TW Cable Box, very similar to the one Grandma has in her room.
Well if there are no AV Hookups on the TV thank the FSM that TW was nice enough to have them on their boxes. Actually I found 3 AV Hookups on the TW Box, 2 on the back and the ones on the front. Don’t know what an AV Hookup is? I went ahead and highlighted them below.
So I hooked up the DVD Player, turned it on, and pressed the input button on the remote. Nothing. Hmmmmm maybe I hooked it up wrong. So I use the AV Hookups in the back of the box. Try to switch the input again… nothing. The remote is responding, and I see a symbol on the box flash when I try to change the input of the device yet nothing happens. So I go into full troubleshooting mode, checking the cables and all of that… but everything is correct and should be working without issue.
So I swallow my pride and call Time Warner’s Tech Support line. There must be a reason I can’t switch the input, I just can’t understand what it is. So I get somebody on Christmas Eve in Time Warner’s Tech Support building. She seems nice but had a hint of “I don’t want to be at work” in her voice. I kindly let her know what I was doing, and without a skip she responded, “You can’t do that. We disable AV Inputs on our devices.”
Ummm, excuse me? My natural reaction to her response was a simple “Why?”. Why would you disable AV Inputs? Her response, “We disable them as they are not our boxes”.
That’s right, she told me that Time Warner, who SENT the box to Grandma and even HOOKED THE FRAKER UP, wasn’t “their responsibility”. Sure they charge her a monthly fee to have the box, but since Time Warner didn’t create the device they disable functions of the AV Inputs on the device.
This PISSES ME OFF! I understand you not supporting something, but when you SEND a device that ON THE FRONT has these ports you are being what we call in the business a DICKTEASE! Why even send a box with these ports on them if you aren’t going to even let your customers use them? Its total bullshit and I let her know that. But all she could tell me is whatever her script tells her. She couldn’t even give me information on who to complain to. What a WHORE!
I even went onto TW’s website to try and see what the manuals say for these boxes… but the “cartoon” images of these boxes don’t even SHOW the AV inputs on the front of the device. They conveniently REMOVED them from their manuals as if they aren’t really there! These are not the AV Inputs you are looking for… what a Chris CROCKer OF SHIT!
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POSTANGER:
So Grandma didn’t get to watch her DVDs because Time Warner (the Nazi’s of the Cable community) wouldn’t let her plug in a DVD player to her Time Warner Cable Box. I thought we lived in the land of the free, but I guess we live in the “hey we’ll give you a product with all the bells and whistles and then not even let you use these bells and whistles.” If you don’t want me to use something DON’T OFFER IT ON YOUR DEVICES! And don’t give me that BS that Time Warner didn’t make these boxes; TW has a contract with Scientific Atlantic for these boxes so they either should have a cover over the ports or had the ports entirely removed. This is just another instance of Time Warner being total dicks and not giving a damn about anyonje but their bottom line. And then they wonder why people download TV from the interwebs instead of buying Cable… what idiots! VIA REVOLUTION!!!!!
Tags: Angry Minute, Audio Video, AV, Cable, Christmas, DVD, DVR, Grandma, Holiday, Television, Time Warner, Xmas
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Nov 5, 2009 in
AngryReview 
It Didn’t Piss Me Off: Remeber the 90’s X-Men cartoon? Yeah, this is better! Professor X & Jean Gray have been blown-up and a year has passed since their demise. The X-Men have disbanneded and are in shambles, but Wolverine looks to regroup the team and become their new leader. This cartoon gets alot right and I can’t stress how true to the comics it is. Barrowing from storylines like Civil War, Day of Future’s Past, and Weapon X makes for a true history leason about the X-Men. And with Cyclops not the D-Bag Leader I can truly enjoy this show!! You like the X-Men? You’ll LOVE Wolverine and the X-Men!
Tags: AngryReview, Cartoon, Comic, Marvel, Television, TV, Wolverine, X-Men
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Sep 16, 2009 in
Angry Minute So if you have been living in a cave this week you may not of heard that Kanye West is back and is still a dickhead. Didn’t hear about it? Well that doesn’t surprise me because his big interruption occurred at the MTV Music Awards which shocked me for two major reasons:
1. MTV shows music videos? Though MTV is (and has been) moving away from what brought them to prosperity, they DO actually still play Music Videos. As of March 2009 they started AMTV between the glorious hours of 3am – 9am. So if you are a night owl you have the ability to actually SEE music videos ON MTV! What a crazy world we now live it, where the MUSIC station plays MUSIC!!
2. MTV is still relevant to people? This question shows my age because I expect my MUSIC station to play MUSIC! Instead we get a bunch of teenybopper shows about rich bitches who need to have their asses whooped by their parents, but instead in a desperate act for attention do almost ANYTHING (and I mean ANYTHING) for said attention. MTV is POISON to children IMO! Do you want your children raised by Tia Tequila; a bisexual looking for “love”, oh and she’s on her 3rd try/season this year? How about an uplifting show like “Engaged & Underage” teaching children underage marriage is a great idea? Spoiled brats participating in expensive and totally unnecessary birthday bashes on “My Sweet 16”? MTV is only relevant to CHILDREN! So let’s say their demographic is 12-20 years old. Why is this important? You’ll see soon enough.
So now we know who is interested in MTV we should get to the matter at hand; Kanye West. Do you know him? If not he is a self-centered rapper who believes that he is so almighty he should be written into a 21 century bible. He’s the Black Jesus, well in his mind anyway. He cries and whines when something doesn’t go his way and believes he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. He has ON MULTIPLE OCCASSIONS invaded a speech to interject his opinion. And he has even gone as far to say that the President of the United States (George W. Bush) hates black people!
So what’s the big deal? Well on Sunday night at the MTV Music Awards 2009 a young sweet lady by the name of Taylor Swift was awarded “Best Female Video” when Kanye decided to storm the stage. He rip the mic out of her hand, and started to bitch and complain about how a black artist (Beyoncé) has the “best video(s) of all time”. Many people are declaring this racism, and it defiantly borderlines such.
What the FRAK is wrong with this guy? Who the HELL is Kanye West to decide who has the best video of all time? IT’S CALL AN OPINION, AND LIKE ASSHOLES EVERYONE HAS ONE! My OPINION is that Beyoncé is hot, but her videos are ALL THE SAME. So how can you justify that she should win? YOU CAN’T SO SHUT THE FRAK UP!
Kanye later apologized, via website IN ALL CAPS to prove his ignorance (how classy). Yet he still feels he did nothing wrong, but blames his actions on the Cognac that he was swigging DURING THE AWARDS SHOW! Nothing shows class like showing up to an award show DRUNK and drinking STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE ON CAMERA! Remember MTV’s main demographic are those UNDER 21! Hell, even Cognac has released a statement saying that the do NOT endorse Kanye West AT ALL and they even asked him to STOP DRINKING COGNAC as he is giving them a BAD NAME and they don’t want to be associated with the likes of him! Man, how bad do you have to be to have your alcohol tell you to stop?
Well in the end MTV booted Kanye, Beyoncé won Video of the Year later in the night and graciously offered her speech to Taylor Swift so the young singer could thank her millions of fans for their support. How convent.
If you ask me this was all a scam. Kanye, Taylor, and Beyoncé were all in on in IMO. How could they not be, esp with West and Swift both going through Universal Music Group subsidiaries? Any controversy would stir publicity for all involved (West, Swift, Beyoncé, and MTV) and any publicity is good publicity. Taylor Swift looks sweet and innocent, Beyoncé looks gracious and kind, and Kanye looks like a douchebag-a-rooni but that’s what he’s use to and he loves it because those that buy his records are exactly like him! As long as the papers are talking about him he is a “star” in his mind.
MTV is garbage and this just proves it. Kanye has done this SEVERAL TIMES on their network and they keep saying he’s “banned for life” or he’ll even say “I’ll never return to MTV again”, yet they do and they LOVE IT because of the publicity. MTV’s main audience is 12-20, yet all of their programs have complainers, whiners, and bitches who think they deserve more then they really do! Do you REALLY think you’re gonna make money performing Jackass stunts in your basement? Are you REALLY gonna be a skateboard king? Can you be a slacker and make millions, or sling coke and crack and become a rap star like your favorite MTV heroes? For a network that is for the youth I find that our youth looks to be lost causes if THIS is what they believe! Wonder why our kids have such self-serving attitudes? Gee, I wonder why!
Do you know why Kanye West thinks he is relevant? Because MTV thinks he’s relevant. The funny thing here is that MTV thinks THEY’RE relevant. I record nothing of MTV, watch no MTV shows, and haven’t been a fan since Beavis and ButtHead had NEW episodes.
This will be my first, last, and only article about MTV as I don’t want to provide them with any credit or publicity. This Angry Minute will stand FOREVER as my testament against the Dark Empire known as MTV. I’ll never watch you, I’ll never support you, and the truth is NO ONE CARES ABOUT MTV ANYMORE!
Oh and Kanye; If the category was “People Who Annoy Me” then the answer would be Kanye West the Nagger!
And BTW, Obama thinks you’re a jackass! Man, even the Black President is against you dawg. You’re such a Gay Fish!
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REFERENCES:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2009/09/kanye-west-apologizes-to-taylor-swift-.html
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1621389/20090913/west_kanye.jhtml
http://www.kansascity.com/stargazing/story/1443233.html
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/14/mtv.music.video.awards/index.html
http://headlineplanet.com/home/2009/09/14/wwe-title-holder-comments-on-kanye-taylor-swift/
http://www.dailyfill.com/11-Quotes-That-Prove-Kanye-Is-A-Douchebag-22511/
http://cognac.com/kanye-and-cognac-its-the-class-not-the-glass/
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/kanye-wests-outbursts/story?id=8568701
http://www.politico.com/click/stories/0909/did_obama_call_kanye_a_jackass.html
Tags: Angry Minute, Awards, Beyoncé, Children, Kanye West, MTV, Music, Taylor Swift, Television
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Sep 2, 2009 in
Angry Minute Yeah, you’ve seen and heard it about a million times:
“This telecast is copyrighted by the NFL for the private use of our audience. Any other use of this telecast or any pictures, descriptions, or accounts of the game without the NFL’s consent is prohibited.”
Yeah, and I’m a 14-foot twonicorn who loves to paint my nails purple starfire and fly under the sea with my good pal Bubbles the mother frakin monkey!!!!!
That’s called sarcasm kids, that’s cause the NFL’s copyright warning is a bunch of bullsheet. BULLLLLLLSHEEEEEEET!
The NFL wants to SCARE people into thinking they own EVERYTHING about the NFL. If the above copyright was entirely true I couldn’t take a picture of an NFL game (on my own camera even) and SHOW you that picture without the NFL’s consent (and I sure couldn’t post that picture on YouTube or Facebook). That makes NO senses, it is MY picture and I took it on MY equipment. Even if I would take a picture of my TV, while an NFL game is on, I’d still need consent?!?! That is retarded! That’s because the NFL is retarteded and they are LIERS!
How about another example? Well, the copyright says “descriptions”. So on Monday when I’m standing at the water cooler I can’t even DESCRIBE how my Washington Redskins opened a barrel of whoop-ass on them pansy ass Dallas Cowboys. No, I’d need consent from the NFL to even DESCRIBE what I saw. That’s like telling a police office, “I’d love to describe the crime to you but I don’t have the copyright from the criminal to describe what happened.”
What bullsheet. Utter bullsheet.
The NFL can suck on my dingle berries because they are LIERS.
You see here in the good US of A we have a thing called FAIR USE. Look it up if you don’t know (see reference).
Another thing is YOU CANNOT COPYRIGTH HISTORY! No one can copyright that the atomic bomb was dropped on Japan, no one can copyright that Obama is our president, and no one can copyright that the Pittsburgh Steelers are the current defending NFL Champions. History happened, so it is free game. The NFL is saying they OWN history. I can’t tell someone that my Redskins are 3-time champs??!?! BULLSHEET!!!!
The NFL are bullies! They are purposely deceiving the public. Hell, they are even FORCING their players, staff, and the MEDIA from using Twitter and services like Twitter to report happenings about the NFL! What babies! Are you scared NFL? Are you scared that since your writers suck and your commentators suck (BOOM, Tough Acting Tinactin! Thank FSM John Madden is retiring, I mean I’ll miss jems like “If they want to win the game they will need to score points”) that people will get their NFL information from sources outside the NFL? Well tough titty because IT’S LEGAL! If I wanted to I could watch an NFL game, and then REPRODUCE said NFL game using my WWE action figures (they are action figures, not dolls) and the NFL wouldn’t be able to do jack sheet except cry about it. Wanna sue me NFL? BE MY GUEST! I’ll happily take you to court because the truth is someone needs to stop these lies. LIER LIER FOOTBALL PANTS ON FIRE!!!
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POSTANGER:
I hate the NFL, I really do. But until someone else brings a football league that can compete then the only thing we’ll have is the NFL. But due to the amount of retarded rednecks in this world, the NFL will continue. Because people would rather watch their teams then raise their kids. Because people would rather live through something that THEY ARE IN NO WAY A PART OF instead of getting off their lazy asses and working towards making their life better.
Frak the NFL! But on the ironic side, GO REDSKINS!!!!!
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REFERENCES:
http://fairuse.stanford.edu/Copyright_and_Fair_Use_Overview/chapter9/9-a.html
http://www.thisistrue.com/blog-the_nfls_copyright_round_two.html
http://arstechnica.com/business/news/2007/03/nfl-fumbles-dmca-takedown-battle-could-face-sanctions.ars
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17939_109-10322904-2.html?part=rss
http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/news/2007/08/ftc-complaint-flags-nfl-mlb-studios-for-overstating-copyright-claims.ars
Tags: Angry Minute, Copyright, First Amendment, Football, Free Speech, Lawsuit, NFL, Television
Posted by Masked D-Bag #8 on Jul 22, 2009 in
Angry Minute You know what Grinds my Gears (yeah, how long you been waiting for me to pull out THAT Family Guy line out)? Commercials! PISSES ME OFF!
I’m not talking about your “normal” commercials. I own a DVR (like any sane person) so normal commercials don’t bother me. To be honest I’ll actually tolerate “normal” commercials, even if a show is recorded. Why the hell would I do that? Because I enjoy having CONVERSATIONS with my fellow friends, and commercials are the ideal time to do such.
So for the record; “normal” commercials are fine and do not anger me. They may anger you, but that’s cuz you’re a prick and have no friends.
What boils my blood are the “new” types of commercials
I’ll turn my TV to one of my favorite shows, Attach of the Show (only on G4). Never seen it? You’re a moron! This show is the best show PERIOD (well, for my generation anyway)! Not to mention it has the hottest of the hot with Olivia Munn (aka: cover of this month’s Playboy: http://www.imagebam.com/image/ae9d0239546182. aka: the Future Mrs. Masked Douchebag #8). Mmmmm, I love me some Olivia Munn. Don’t worry my douchebag of a girlfriend knows that Munn is on my top 5 so it’s all fair game people! DEAL WITH MY LOVE!
Anyway, I’ll be lookin at Olivia’s hotness, imagining all the things (dirty douchebaggery things) I would do to her, and then… BAMO KABAMO!!!! Out of nowhere the Starship Enterprise rips a hole in the space-time continuum at Warp 9, crushing through the bottom left of my overly-sized television, sending photo torpedoes right into my beloved Olivia’s face! OH MY FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! WHAT THE FRAK HAVE THEY DONE!?!?!? WHY HAVE THEY MURDERED THE ONLY TELEVISION HOST I COULD SEE ME “DOING” WITHOUT BEING LABELED AS MANLOVER?!?!?!? (Kevin Pereira is hot piece of man-meat, deal with it!)
Never fear cruel world; Olivia does not die from Picard’s cowardly attack. This is only the NEW version of commercials. Not content with Joe 5-pack having to spend one-third of a television show watching advertisements, dickwads and cuntfaces alike have decided to place ads WITHIN the shows themselves!
COME THE FRAK ON!!!
Why is this happening? When I’m watching a show I want to see THAT show, I don’t want to know what is coming on next! If I cared what was coming on later I would pick up a TV Guide (do they even still make these… I should have said Google).
Now I know what many of you are going to say; “but they need the ad revenue because people don’t watch commercials”. My response is that WE NEVER WATCHED THEM ANYWAY! When a commercial comes on I go drain the main vein, gab another Coors (cuz Bud doesn’t pay me enough), and maybe JUST MAYBE make fun of YOUR MOTHER (Hi Jeff’s mom)!!!!! But I hardly ever WATCH a commercial. Do you? Why? Unless it’s the SuperBowl there is NO REASON to see a commercial (the only exceptions to this rule are boobs and funny)!!!!
But I’m a fair Douchebag, I know people need to be paid (FSM knows I do). So let’s compromise and take note from Video Games and start using products/ads INSIDE the entertainment. I’m not talking about having John Cena FU Randy Orton through my television while I’m watching an all new episode of Psych (New episodes start Aug 7th at 10pm EST only on USA… Characters Welcome), I’m talking about actually USING the product in the show. Have Chuck Bartowski share a nice Five Dollar Footlong with Casey (Chuck, returning with new episodes in 2010 because IT IS AWESOME), or even have a Butterfinger Machine installed in the Simpson’s House. I don’t give a flying FRAK how you insert a product, just stop these POPUP COMMERCIALS!!!
PLEASE!
PLEASE STOP THE MADDNESS!!!!!
THE MADDDDDDDNESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
IT’S PISSING ME OFF! ANGER! ANGER! ANGERRRRRRR!!!!!
Tags: Angry Minute, Commercials, Television