ANGRY MINUTE #0041: Bull & Shit Network

What the FRAK is wrong with the world? It must be that I am getting old and bitter because some of this shit makes no sense to me WHAT SO EVER!

Don’t you remember a simple time when people said what they meant? If I told you I was watching MUSIC TELEVISION then you assumed I was watching something/anything about music. But now when you watch MUSIC TELEVISION (aka MTV) you get shitty shit like “The Hills”, “16 & Pregnant”, “Disaster Date”, and “Jersey Shore”. None of this CRAP (and it is crap) has anything to do with MUSIC. So what the FRAK does MTV stand for? Atleast when I was growing up the shows that had nothing to do with Music tried to incorporate Music into their shows in some way (aka Beavis & Butthead).

Hell MTV peeps are such assmasters that they recognized that they wanted to play shit (and it is shit) that wasn’t music, so they made MTV2 with the slogan, “All Music All The Time”. Yeah maybe it should have said, “All Music Just Some Of the Time Because We Want Your Pregnant Teenagers Watching Us 24/7”. WHAT A FRAKING JOKE!

So you can see how PLEASED (aka PISSED OFF) I was when I flipped my TV over to Cartoon Network the other day and noticed something I didn’t expect. You see I turned my TV to Cartoon Network because I wanted to see (I know this will be a shock to all of you) some FRAKIN CARTOONS. Is that soooooo much to ask from a television network NAMED Cartoon Network?

Atleast when SciFi Network changed its format to display non-SciFi shows it changed its name to SyFy; but Cartoon Network has such enormous balls they can claim to be a network about cartoons and then show reality! WHAT THE FRAK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!?!?!

Can I sue for false advertising? I mean if you say you are gonna give me cartoons and then I tune in to see some pre-teen bullshit isn’t that deceptive advertising? Bait and switch? It’s Bull and Shit is what it is!

I feel for Cartoon Network, I mean they started off amazing with shows like “Space Ghost Coast to Coast”, “Dexter’s Laboratory”, “Johnny Bravo”, “Cow and Chicken”, “I Am Weasel”, “The Powerpuff Girls”, “Ed, Edd, & Eddy”, “Courage the Cowardly Dog”, “Samurai Jack”, “Grim and Evil”, “The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy”, “Camp Lazlo”, and “My Gym Partner’s A Monkey”. These cartoons are all AWESOME and WERE what Cartoon Network WAS all about.

So now what do we get in place of cartoons? We get “Destroy Build Destroy” which is a preteen Human Wrecking Balls; “Dude, What Would Happen” which is a preteen Mythbusters; “The Outsiders” which is a preteen Ghost Hunters; “Survive This” which is a preteen Survivorman; “BrainRush” which is a preteen Cash Cab. See a pattern? That’s right, Cartoon Network should now be named “PreTeen RipOff Network” because all of this SHIT is shit we already have but now it is smothered in PreTeen BullShit!!!!!! WHAT FRAKIN FUN!!!

Cartoon Network, you are DEAD to me. You have totally alienated everyone other then your PreTeen market. You have jumped the shark and now you are fighting to stay alive because all your content for the past few years has been garbage.  Nickelodeon has made a grand comeback and has sooooo many better cartoons then the current Cartoon Network cartoons and Nick doesn’t even specialize in cartoons (just look at Nick greats like “Back at the Barnyard”, “Fanboy & Chum Chum”, “SpongeBob SquarePants”, “The Fairly OddParents”, and “The Penguins of Madagascar” for some amazing examples). Nick doesn’t have to LIE TO ME about what kind of network they are, so FRAK YOU CN AND FRAK YOUR LIES!!!!!!!

So I am DONE with Cartoon Network. You are obviously not a network for anyone over the age of 13. Go play with yourselves because I won’t watch your SHIT! FRAK OFF LIARS!

Tags: 16 & Pregnant, Angry Minute, BrainRush, Camp Lazlo, Cartoon, Cartoon Network, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Cow and Chicken, Destroy Build Destroy, Dexter's Laboratory, Disaster Date, Dude, False Advertising, Jersey Shore, Johnny Bravo, Liars, Lies, MTV, MTV2, Nickelodeon, Powerpuff Girls, Samurai Jack, Space Ghost, Survive This, SyFy, Television, The Hills, The Outsiders, TV, What Would Happen

AngryReview: Lost Series Finale (TV)

So LOST is over as the final episode aired here in the US of A on 05/23/2010. A lot has been said about this series, and even more about its ending. I wanted to take this time on my SoapBox to talk about what I think LOST meant, how it ended, and if it pissed me off or left me feeling satisfied.

So what was LOST?

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SYNOPSIS OF LOST (SPOILER ALERT):

LOST is about the survivors of Oceanic 815. On 09/22/2004 their plane crashed onto an unknown island in the Pacific due to an uncontrolled electromagnetic release from the island. These survivors banded together, even though in life they were alone and battled their own inner demons privately. It was because they came together that they were able to survive (live together or die alone).

The island was found to be a special place; it was able to cure illness and wounds (like cancer or spinal damage), possessed exotic beings (like polar bears and the smoke monster), and housed unique and mysterious structures (like Egyptian structures and military bunkers). Some took these mysteries as religious signs, others thought of them as scientific mysteries; this created conflict with the survivors and split them into groups (men of faith vs men of science).

Their biggest conflict, however, was that of the original inhabitants of the island whom they called “The Others”. These Others infiltrated the survivors, spying on them in hopes of finding those who were deemed “special”. This was all done under the orders of Jacob, the island’s protector. Jacob was looking for someone to take his place as the Protector of the Island and he had been watching the survivors long before they even arrived on the Island. Jacob saw himself in these people because they were alone in life (as Jacob was alone on the island), they internally battled their demons (as Jacob battled his own), and ultimately they believed that their lives had meaning and that meaning was good.

The survivors were able to overcome their pasts and find meaning in their lives, which gave Jacob the opportunity to pass his leadership onto one of the survivors (Jack). Jack was then able to use his own faith to kill the smoke monster and bring balance back to the island. This battle did have its own consequences, as Jake was mortally wounded. Jack was able to pass the mantel of Protector to another, and ultimately saved the island from destruction before closing his eyes in death.

But even death could not stop their journey. Before “moving on” Jack and the other survivors were able to relive their lives, but this time they lived them without the influence of the island. Even though Jack was happy and no longer alone (having a beautiful wife and wonder son) he still felt his life had no real meaning and he couldn’t “let go” of his demons (mainly issues he had with his father). Only in this afterlife was Jack able to see that his life did have meaning, and the time he spent on the island were the moments in his life where he learned to have faith in himself and learned to “let go”. After realizing this Jack was able to “awaken” with the other survivors and remember their lives and even their deaths. And with this realization those survivors were able to “let go” and “move on” to the afterlife united with those they loved the most.
THE END
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OK, so if you read my synopsis and are a fan of LOST you might be bitching and complain. Odds are you want “answers” to “questions that matter”. Like “Why was Walt special?” or “How come Hurley could talk to dead people?” or “Who was the original Protector of the Island?” or “Was MiB really evil or was Jacob the evil one?”

The truth is that none of those questions matter. Many people get wrapped up in the mythology of LOST and expect every little thing to be answered. The truth is that many of these mysteries are better left unanswered as we can reflect and try to piece the answers together with our own beliefs and find our own meaning within them.

If you were upset with the LOST ending then it’s because you haven’t “let go”. You are a man of science, not a man of faith. The truth is LOST was about people, not about a place or mythology or even about mysteries. The island was just a setting, it allowed these characters to live almost a second life and find the true meaning of their lives with eachother.

That is truly what the island and even LOST represents; man’s search for the meaning of life. I found my meaning long ago, but LOST helped to show me that faith I’ve always had is really what we all yearn to obtain.

So did the LOST final piss me off? No IT DID NOT PISS ME OFF. I “let go” and appreciated this work of art from all aspects. I appreciate the hard work that all the actors put in, I appreciate the quasi-religious themes and ancient history of the show, and I appreciate their ability to have me question ever little thing even down to the end. LOST will always be with me and I thank them for giving me more faith then I ever thought I could have.

Are you a man of faith or a man of science? The answer lies within you. If the LOST ending wasn’t to your taste I bet you’re a man of science; so I say “let go” and appreciate the things we cannot explain and hold on to the things that really matter in life. Because truthfully magic is just science that is unexplained; yet magic is always cooler and more exciting. Why is that? Because of faith. Namaste!

Tags: AngryReview, Faith, Finale, LOST, TV

AngryReview: Wolverine and the X-Men (TV)

It Didn’t Piss Me Off: Remeber the 90’s X-Men cartoon? Yeah, this is better! Professor X & Jean Gray have been blown-up and a year has passed since their demise. The X-Men have disbanneded and are in shambles, but Wolverine looks to regroup the team and become their new leader. This cartoon gets alot right and I can’t stress how true to the comics it is. Barrowing from storylines like Civil War, Day of Future’s Past, and Weapon X makes for a true history leason about the X-Men. And with Cyclops not the D-Bag Leader I can truly enjoy this show!! You like the X-Men? You’ll LOVE Wolverine and the X-Men!

Tags: AngryReview, Cartoon, Comic, Marvel, Television, TV, Wolverine, X-Men